𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅

Just leave me alone, mom.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Sometimes I fall asleep with my phone under my pillow, like I'm waiting for the millennial tooth fairy or something.

[Alasdair Beckett-King @MisterABK]

Every quirky forensic pathologist:

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Officially old because I have strong opinions about the new wheel of fortune host.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

So where are people going post-Reddit?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

@iamhdflo I received a breakfast taco with fucking mashed potatoes in it, and a white man attempted to convince me that was normal.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

If you ordered a potato breakfast taco, how would you expect the potatoes to look?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I can’t wait to buy katamari for like the 5th time.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I joined this hell site 11 years ago wtf

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Which is theoretically more dangerous: yelling fire in a crowded theater or loudly saying “avocado is overrated” in a packed brunch restaurant?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Avocado is overrated tbh.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I’ve never eaten a toasted pop tart

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Someone casually mentioned to me that they got their order of 2 palettes of AR-15 ammo 🙃

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I was showing my boyfriend all the School House Rock songs I remembered from school, and, in retrospect, why the heck did my teacher have us watch the one about base 12 math?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I am so confused by “no printer” as a saying.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

I have had to fix the same, recurring run on sentence error if 4 different people’s work this week. Do they not show “Conjunction Junction” in school any more or what?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Do cooked spinach and cooked kale taste the same?

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

My Lyft driver is playing a top 40 radio station. Holy shit, I am out of touch.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Started using nail oil, and my nails look great. I’m super pissed it worked because it’s a pain in the ass.

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Dog nickname evolution: pepper -> pepino -> pepinito -> Mr Nito

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

@_stardustdruid All accurate. Started a project runway rewatch and holy shit

[𓁹‿𓁹 ʰᵉʰ⋅ @owl_be_back]

Wtf were we wearing in the 2000s