RP

Making humor less funny.

[RP @p_net]

Spent the weekend at a large auto show pissing people off by purposefully mispronouncing the brand names:

- "Foe-Road"
- "Nice-San"
- "Do-Gee"
- "Hoe-Nida"

[RP @p_net]

@AFK_Journey fan art submission contest

[RP @p_net]

Watched a BMW driver use his blinker and respectfully merge onto the highway.

Pretty sure this is a dream and I'm still sleeping.

[RP @p_net]

For a sport that is notorious for head trauma (football), maybe the "reward" for making a great play shouldn't be your coaches and teammates slapping you in the helmet over and over.

[RP @p_net]

A few years back, I overheard someone call egg whites "shell juice" and I still have not been able to process that information properly.

[RP @p_net]

Imagine holding a baby named Gary.

[RP @p_net]

Amazon got me confused today.

[RP @p_net]

I look at restaurant brochures now in the same way that our parents used to look at travel brochures. "One day, I'll be able to take the family there."

[RP @p_net]

Time was, elderly people didn't trust the internet because their computers would get infected with a virus, so they chose to go out and meet in person.

Now, elderly people have to meet on the internet because going outside may expose them to a virus.

[Van Gothula @surrealvehicle]

WIFE: Stop taking things the wrong way.

ME: [swallows suppository]

[RP @p_net]

Celebrating 12 hours of sobriety by hitting yet another happy hour.

[RP @p_net]

As a person of considerable wealth, I am not afraid to walk into Discount Tire and order a reasonably priced set of replacement wheels for my 1996 Jeep Grand Cherokee.

[RP @p_net]

I'm not an alcoholic... but I have been drinking for 400 straight days and it would be a shame to let the streak die now.

[RP @p_net]

Locked eyes with a cute girl while sitting in traffic and we both immediately yawned, which I feel is a great summary of my life right now.

[RP @p_net]

I wish Facebook would start suggesting ways that I can get rid of existing friends rather than recommending a bunch of new people that I could interact with.

[andrew @AndrewChamings]

[putting the wrong type of shampoo on my enemy’s voodoo doll] enjoy a dry scalp you son of a bitch