pantun

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/G0FvKGWhOX I wish I could commute by roller coaster.

[pantun @pantun]

I'm not bad with names, it's just that you leave absolutely no impression on people. http://t.co/N2mFlCkJoW

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/QpuHouZQQo Just beat Guitar Hero on expert in case anyone is looking for a virgin to sacrifice before midnight.

[pantun @pantun]

Hey, the army. Camouflage your helicopters blue, not green. You're fucking welcome. http://t.co/pLCxbazu8c

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/m2XivzNw24 "She's not THAT pretty." is girl code for "She's so pretty and I hate her."

[pantun @pantun]

I'm thinking of re-releasing my old tweets in 3D. http://t.co/SZ6NTArV3p

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/4icdaDjBWz If your bathroom sink looks like mine, you're disgusting and I'm a hypocrite.

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/6W3tFBe0Rx Sometimes I wrestle with my demons. Sometimes we just snuggle.

[pantun @pantun]

"Wow, that was a very good sandwich." - Liam Neeson, at some point, probably http://t.co/T3PvIgat1e

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/Wo6z3WRwaq If your bathroom sink looks like mine, you're disgusting and I'm a hypocrite.

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/G94leTcWsp BREAKING: wind. I have just farted terribly.

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/bl70J3CQe0 I don't need to lie. But, sometimes, I like to give the truth an extreme makeover.

[pantun @pantun]

I know they don't recommend ibuprofen during pregnancy but I needed something for the hangovers. http://t.co/TAlBaQmBR1

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/Q5tMTOXBIv Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/8ZABjO9G5l Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass.

[pantun @pantun]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/8aSFu5Y02H

[pantun @pantun]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/ifVbBXND8I

[pantun @pantun]

http://t.co/d7EdgsQk44 Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February.

[pantun @pantun]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/SlAW9LWpQM

[pantun @pantun]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/qo39gCVkYM