After I’ve fucked up my back: I’ll never take my back for granted again. Please God. I’ll stretch every morning for the rest of my life
The second my back stops hurting: Watch this white boy do a backflip
Y’all are losers & I genuinely feel sorry for you. I’m not sure what type of life you’ve lived to where you feel the need or desire to police the food of lower income families, but I hope you heal from it nonetheless.
Text to homie nicknamed Big Gulp: You make every day of my life better than the next. I feel like I have known you for a thousand lifetimes
Text to wife: Make sure the bathroom door is open when I got home. Im gonna come in sprinting