authentic pizza goblin

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

Happiness is for rich people and idiots.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

Goddamn do I love it when they solve the final puzzle on Wheel of Fortune.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

I’m so tired of hot honey.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

I want to be in charge of Food Network props. Making all those lil cans and bottles generic. It’d be so good.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

If someone told me they had a recording of me for an hour inside my house talking to my cats and if I don’t let them release it, I’ll be killed… I guess I’ll see all you sweet pals in hell because that shit ain’t happening.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

I am so fucking glad that not only did HACKS win last night BUT - even MORE importantly, THE BEAR lost. 🥹

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

I might need to work on my mental health.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

@tacodeli please I have to know when you’re opening in Fort Worth.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

@patdsez Holy shit. You’re right.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

@themaclennan HA!

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

My love language is calling to tell you about a clue on Jeopardy that no contestant answered correctly that I knew you would have gotten.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

My Uber driver just skipped an Aaliyah song and I’m furious.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

It’s crazy to me that there was a time in our lives where the only emails we got were ones we actually wanted.

[Noah Garfinkel @NoahGarfinkel]

If I had a chance to be a national hero just by quitting my job, I would be so pumped.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

Does anyone have an especially *random* song that is so tied to a moment in their lives they’ll never be able to escape? Mine is “Beating Heart Baby” by Head Automática.

[hot girl midsommar @verymimi]

i just don’t understand how anybody watches THE BEAR and thinks about romance when carmy is constantly one burned sauce away from putting a gun in his mouth

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

My favorite actors are Bob Odenkirk and Alan Tudyk rn

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

@shaunhamill Ooooo you gotta be REAL careful with that one here 🤣

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

Guys. I’ve watched it. I’ll keep watching. But The Bear isn’t as good to me as everyone thinks it is. I’m so sorry.

[authentic pizza goblin @partymeat]

@shaunhamill I have poor taste what can I say!!!