idk

girl (33) with a bad haircut who can't spell

[olivia @nymphl0rd]

If your avoidant friend ignores your call or FaceTime just know that is a huge sign of respect in their culture

[sophia @pastoralcomical]

it’s interesting that boobs are considered a pair but an ass (2 cheeks) is considered one unit. or maybe it’s not interesting. you decided

[🎮 @foreeeeeal]

"scientists don't want you know" is a phrase that always cracks me up because if you actually meet a scientist they will be shaking and crying like an overstimulated chihuahua with the need to let you know

[baber @bakerbakerbaker]

new in race relations: all the black people at work keep a chair in the trunk of their car. none of the honkeys do. listening and learning

[Paul @pauljayburke]

No joke this is one of the greatest creative writing decisions ever made. Actual genius.

[lauren @winwinism]

I gotta find it again but reminds me of a fic where one of the metros mentions buying a sports car and shane is like "having sex in a sports car is terrible and theres no space, at least a porsche has a bit more room in the backseat" and everyone stops and stares for a moment

[Mike Drucker @MikeDrucker]

“My dearest soulmate, my most precious partner, please tell me how you’ll make love to me on the morrow!”

ME:

[Emily 🌼 @liliascraven]

how did I not know about this until now

[Maximilian Uriarte @TLCplMax]

Me on the plane watching the movie the guy in front of me is watching with no sound:

[Devon Hardware’s Wife @thatfrood]

i like how for a certain set of millennial women “go piss girl” has become an automatic polite social response in the vein of saying “bless you” but for peeing

[jo 🐞 @stup1demojobug]

ilya calling it useless when they fuck HARD

[myles brown @mdotbrown]

This is the only angle that does that miracle justice.

[EMG Max Ketchum @MaxKetchum_]

My mayor is Muslim, my pizza is Italian, I’d kill myself before cheating on Megan Thee Stallion

[emmy nominee connor storrie @ilyaarozanovs]

“he’s 18. how fucking experienced can you be? he might carry himself like a lothario but he’s not, nobody is at that age”

[Gabrielle @gabbilicious04]

establishing dominance by being the naked window neighbor

[vitória ★ HUDYAGA @kevicarioca]

eu amo como ele não parece tão confiante aqui e meio preocupado com o shane porque no fundo os dois eram só adolescentes inexperientes

[Most gay people are ruby bridges @sryimcrazy]

The most sinister, hopeless backroom in toronto

[Skyler Higley @skyler_higley]

people used to say “am I being punk’d right now” now they say “is this a psy-op being orchestrated by Mossad?”

[vampire workday @imbobswaget]

society is unwell because we haven’t had a queen latifah led rom com in theatres in a minute