Patrick Ramirez

Stand up Comedian, Oakland (now Las Vegas) Raider fan, I have a dream to one day have a dream

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Guys be weary of women who start alot of conversations with "I had this boyfriend once..."

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

When I started comedy comics would be furiously writing in notebooks in the back. Now they're furiously setting up tripods

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

I'm voting for the candidate that texts me the least

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

I'm big in the bot community

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

@adamcarolla
Rich man/Poor man- having a studio

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

I wouldn't say I'm depressed but I have been singing along lately to music in the grocery store

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

I really want to have a deep political discussion but there isn't a coffee shop anywhere near me

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

@BillSimmons "They knew, and they let it happen!"

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Tom Brady is now explaining how to throw a football

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Game update: Erin Andrews has been attacked by a gang of rival birds

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Lived experience- Translation: this happened to me once.

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Don't start a conversation with me by saying "here's the thing"

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

@TheRewatchables "I'm gambling again!"

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Go ahead Apple keeps sending those updates, I'm never backing up my iPhone

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

@TheRewatchables It's fight night!

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

If I never date a triathlete this life will be a success

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

@_MLFootball The Derek Carr jersey is worth at least one punch to the gut.

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

I'm very popular in the bot community

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

If your having a bad day, feed a dog some chips and enjoy.

[Patrick Ramirez @patrickinmyhead]

Let's be real for a second, Mark Sanchez has a great "drunk story"