Andrew Patty

University of Cincinnati|Mediocre on a good day

[Rear Admiral @RearAdBsBlog]

Monday on @spittinchiclets

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

*when I get a 50% on my final*

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

Working hard, thank you!

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

I really just saw a girl in class text random letters so this guy she’s into would see the typing bubbles and “he thinks I’m about to respond, but I never do and he keeps hitting me up. It always works, I love it”

I’m speechless. Women are another species. ABSOLUTE SAVAGES.

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Don’t get me wrong, we’re in an unprecedented time of history right now

But imagine 1987. It’s 9:30. You’re 13 beers deep. Melissa is lookin like an 11 in her neon jacket. Whitney Houston comes on and Melissa starts dancing on you. That’s something I’ll never experience.........

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

I just saw a couple making out inside Canes as I walked by and I suddenly feel a hell of a lot better about where I am in life

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Connor McDavid is 21.

Connor McDavid made $547K playing hockey for 2 hours last night and went home to this

I’m 21.

I worked 8 hours, made $140 BEFORE TAXES, and ate a leftover $3 frozen pizza for dinner

Good God life comes at you fast...

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

It's 2018- vintage is sexy. I'm strictly e-mailing women I'm into.

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

If you don’t instagram a bikini pic in December saying how much you’d rather be on a beach than studying for finals how the hell is Jake from SAE, who’s currently failing Intro to Marketing, going to know you’re both hot and you value your education?

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

St Ursula milf hit me w/ a compliment at Macys today. 35 mins later and she had told me that she knows her daughter gets around, she used to drunkenly flash people when she was at uc, and that she wouldve been out of my league in her prime.

Wednesdays are wild. Milfs are wilder.

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

@RyanHolbrook61 Re:Stacks... so essentially an hour of depression on repeat

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

I don’t know if this is the right platform to do so... but I think I identify as a 27 year old woman who just broke up with her boyfriend of 7 years

I just listened to the same sad Bon Iver song 12x in a row in a room lit by a single Yankee candle

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

No joke I just threw my phone and uninstalled the Instagram app on my phone cause I got so pissed at how good this girl looked in her story

Please reply some de-stressing exercises for me to try out during this difficult time

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Looking for a girl who loves hockey and sipping bourbon while listening to soft jazz

I’ll be in search of a wife at the nearest Canadian nursing home if you need me

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Absolutely bananas. I’ve watched this 6 times and I’ve been laughing for 14 minutes straight. The cast, the background music, the camera shots. This deserves an Oscar. https://t.co/mXMry7r1CH

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

When was Woody’s renamed Wiener World? Dude’s as far as the eye can see

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Just went out SOLELY to buy a candle. Next thing you know I’m gonna be talkin shit behind Denise’s back at my daughters rec socccer game

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

Fml my neighbor just spotted me givin 110% dancin to Whitney Houston in briefs

@Spotify Help a loyal subscriber out and send me some shades

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

This shit would win you MasterChef and a contract w/ Food Network & youre actin like a 6 yr old could whip it up at a red light... smh https://t.co/Vb8nxb2z04

[Andrew Patty @pattyap15]

@daiseybently I think senior superlatives sealed our fate. I’m packing my bags for Athens bb, here I come