every time i read sylvia plath’s journals i’m reminded of anthony bourdain — these two famous examples of suicide are so far from classic “melancholics.” they’re actually both passionately obsessed with life and were ultimately defeated by a world possessed by the death drive
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” -Simone Weil
This is why I keep saying crime and punishment changed my life - it captures the specific doom of being trapped in a personalized hell made by your own conscience and the paranoia created by lying and trying to dodge God, like being suffocated by invisible eyes
“You walked, by chance, into a life I wasn't proud of, and from that day something started to change. I have breathed better, I have hated less, I have freely admired what was meant to be.
Before you, without you, I adored nothing.
With you, I have accepted more things, I have learned to live. That's probably why
I've always mixed my love with so much gratitude.”
— Albert Camus to Maria Casarés