Paul Moped

A semi bi-lingual half-arsed nearly was, who has developed into a fully blown has been who needs to try harder to achieve his full potential.

[david hales @westhamster2]

I got chatting to a couple of tree surgeons earlier.

We got on so well that they added me to their What Sap group.

[Lord Vinheteiro @Vinheteiro]

Have you Ever Seen the Rain on Rubber Chickens

[Lord Vinheteiro @Vinheteiro]

Rolling Stones - Satisfaction #rollingstones #satisfaction #rubberchicken #chicken #vinheteiro #lordvinheteiro

[Jack @FFS_WhatNow]

This is what the Internet was made for.

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@WyndhamWallace @HorrisHill Strangely the kid in the glasses looks a bit like you.

[RC deWinter @RCdeWinter]

A duck walked into a pub and ordered a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looked at him and said, “Hang on! You're a duck!”

"I see your eyes are working,” replied the duck.

"And you can talk!!” exclaimed the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too.” said the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly. Sorry about that.” said the barman as he pulled the duck's pint. "It's just we don't get many a ducks in this pub. What are you doing around this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road” explained the duck. "I'm a plasterer."

The flabbergasted barman couldn’t believe the duck and wanted to learn more but took the hint when the duck pulled a newspaper from his bag and proceeded to read it.

The duck read his paper, drank his beer, ate his sandwich, paid up, bid the barman a good day and left.

The same thing happened every few days for two weeks.

Then one day the circus came to town.

The ringmaster walked into the pub for a pint and the barman said, "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvelous!” said the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

The next day when the duck came into the pub the barman said, "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money."

“Swell. I’m always looking for the next job.” said the duck. "Where is it?”

"At the circus.” said the barman.

"The circus?" repeated the duck.

"That's right.” replied the barman.

"The circus?” the duck asked again.
“With the big tent?”

"Yeah.” the barman replied.

"With all the animals that live in cages and performers who live in caravans?" asked the duck.

"Of course,” the barman replied.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persisted the duck.

"That's right.” said the barman.

The duck shook his head in amazement, and said “What the fuck would they want with a plasterer?”

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@WyndhamWallace I love the way he thinks that their government awards the prize.

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@WyndhamWallace New South Texas

[Fi 🇪🇺 @rahhead01]

Hi @grok please can you give me a review of all Nigel Farage’s instances of lying? Answer in Jamaican patois

[Tim Burgess @Tim_Burgess]

Retweet to win

A We Are Live Tour T shirt, a sweatshirt, a bucket hat (all in your size) and a mug

Winner picked at random 10am on Saturday December 6th

Gooood luck y’aaaall

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@terriblescenes Tamsin Greig.

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@AnnoGalactic Welcome back.

[brass neck vintage @brassneckvint]

Check out Antique Pen Wipe Modelled On A Hinged Copper Cooking Pot With Lid https://t.co/LxeMzquZ4X #eBay via @eBay_UK

[brass neck vintage @brassneckvint]

Check out Sterling Silver Pen Stand Birmingham 1912 Maker T H Hazelwood & Co https://t.co/jqPotx2eU7 #eBay via @eBay_UK

[brass neck vintage @brassneckvint]

Check out Antique Gilded Chatelaine Mechanical Pencil, Dip Pen And Quill Tool Set https://t.co/LJwE3xecHr #eBay via @eBay_UK

[brass neck vintage @brassneckvint]

Check out Vintage MERMAID Pudding Basin Sleeve Aluminium Pudding Mould Roly-Poly Jam Tin https://t.co/5rp5zo4kDA #eBay via @eBay_UK

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@westhamster2 Big Sam until the end of the season.

[david hales @westhamster2]

Potter’s got the Sweden job despite saying he won’t be playing with a flat pack four.

[Nope, It's Gone @Joust_A_Minute]

FUNFACT: Soup was invented in 1927 by John Soup when he wanted to drink a chicken.

[Paul Moped @paulmoped]

@westheweasel @elonmusk Happy birthday