Joe Stengel

[WeRateDogs @dog_rates]

This is Harry. He was caught playing in the flower bed with his bow tie on. Had a very good explanation but decided you probably aren’t interested in hearing it. 12/10

[BigHeadBS💨 @BigHeadBS]

Spreaded? Julius? Come on! Your name is Ladanian...How are you gonna mispronounce someone else's? https://t.co/O7uuuuE3yk

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

http://t.co/LujPVXPlOk

[MLB @MLB]

Vin Scully reminisces about the life and legacy of the late Don Zimmer: http://t.co/TRs8K1548c

[BigHeadBS💨 @BigHeadBS]

Yea, yea....so I beat the Patriots in the playoffs.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

‘I Was One Of Several People Duped,' Manti Te'o Tells Scarecrow Dressed As Katie Couric http://t.co/Or4vKVAzGi #OurAnnualYear

[Ryan Shelton @Ryan_Shelton]

"BACK TO THE FUTURE" IS BEING RECREATED, LINE-FOR-LINE, ON TWITTER. #CAPSWORTHY http://t.co/FR9ibAnB9X OR DIRECTLY https://t.co/i2kKW9VepI

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Peyton Manning is much better at his job than I am at Mine.

[BigHeadBS💨 @BigHeadBS]

I throw the prettiest balls Miley Cyrus has ever poked a foam finger against.

[BigHeadBS💨 @BigHeadBS]

#Broncos Just ran into a #Chargers fan. He asked me if he could take a picture and took out his phone. I pissed on it. #FootballOnYourPhone

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtless, confused citizens can mess up the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has.

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

http://t.co/0aIm29O4w7

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Just because someone looks different than you doesn't mean he's not an asshole.

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

Wondrous Oreo icing-removing machine uses an axe to de-cremify http://t.co/pythXgZi5l via @zite

[God @TheTweetOfGod]

Donald Trump is to truth what the biggest fucking asshole in the entire world is to truth.

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

Look! ---> cnbc10home . com

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

Oh, yeah. Got it all figured out. Tweet, tweet, tweeter. https://t.co/Vvsw7zkA

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

@ScottOx I knew it! It just had to be.

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

Boy? You there?

[Joe Stengel @PawlS]

Sitting around doing nothing. Friday night.