Haley Miller

[Haley Miller @payit]

Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you? http://t.co/ap3HScC8BI

[Haley Miller @payit]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/fXHu2zDee0

[Haley Miller @payit]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/0D5NiTXMxn

[Haley Miller @payit]

It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you http://t.co/MC01Txh3ol

[Haley Miller @payit]

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/yltOSKRSxR

[Haley Miller @payit]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/FAEqY3ycTd

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/VgqSaGLBDT Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt?

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/OPbAyd8ztQ Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell.

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/I1BThyyt I won't help a customer with their problem until they've been completely dehumanized.

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/FFonphHA The only part I hate about not wearing pants is having to wipe snot on my bare legs.

[Haley Miller @payit]

What would I do? http://t.co/rwLTtv7j

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/4m3rufyw Moving to Africa so I can feed my kids for 18 cents a day.

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/6BWYzroS I like to finish everyone's drinks at parties and then call them out for being drunks.

[Haley Miller @payit]

I like to measure my workouts in terms of a reward system. For instance: I just ran 2.5 pizzas. http://t.co/38QXteLl

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/trec0S60 These days its all about finding the woman you want to divorce after your kids go to college.

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/h5EqJE61 Tired of being fat and pasty? Put tanning bed lights in your refrigerator.

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/0ZDBxaQM Just turned my welcome mat into an unwelcome mat by spray painting "CANCER" across it

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/ak4BaJFX my fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that i lied about on my drivers license

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/HvE0XatO The Seventh Sense: "I can smell dead people."

[Haley Miller @payit]

http://t.co/rOHgHE2U How does my bladder always know when I've found the most comfortable position in my bed?