phil davidson

comedy. pr. office furniture model

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

The best way to sum up the difference between my wife and I is she gets 3 boxes a day from Amazon and I finally bought mesh shorts after two years of toying with the idea.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I won’t be watching the UFC thing tonight but I assume it will feature Andrew Tate singing “Happy Birthday Mr. President” in a codpiece. #UFCFreedom250

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

@AmericanAir for real how are you in business? I’m trying to pay money to book one of your flights and your app and website won’t allow me to. It’s 2026 and you don’t have a working website or app?

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

WH secretary: Mr President, there’s a man outside who says you’re the worst person in the history of mankind.

Trump: Have him killed.

WH secretary: now he says he was just joking & thinks you’re very smart.

Trump: Give him a billion dollars & name a planet after him.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Now that he’s a trillionaire Elon should go full Genghis Khan and sire 87,000 children. He can name each one after the digits in Pi.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I wonder if George Santos will get reinstated in the Baruch College Volleyball Hall of Fame?

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Everyone always gives our military leaders credit for staying out of politics but let’s also not forget the restraint they showed today by not making the jerk off motion the entire time Pete Hegseth spoke to them.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I don’t know if Tylenol causes autism but I do know that listening to medical advice from a former reality show host makes you dumb.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I’m still not watching Fallon

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Trump is so metal

https://t.co/2WuKrAbSnE

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Not sure what was crazier - the guy on my flight to Vegas who kept telling his kids that Lake Mead was Lake Tahoe, or the guy in baggage claim asking me how to tell which luggage was his.

[Chicago Cubs @Cubs]

With great sadness, we share that Ryne Sandberg has passed away today.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

@BillAckman Cool story bro

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I’m fine with adversaries cosplaying nuclear war. More of this please.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

How is Trump’s My Super Sweet 16 party going?

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

In English class we learned English.
In Math class we learned Math.
In Science class we learned Science.
In Gym class we learned Gym.

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Big win for the balding community. #PGAChampionship #BaldsAlpha

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I’m just glad all these Pope memes reference Chicago’s hot dogs & pizza and not our murder & corruption

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

Hell yeah new Pope. Work your magic. #PopeLeoXIV #Bears🙏

[Conan O'Brien @ConanOBrien]

Paul was a sweet, dear comedic genius, and it’s unfathomable that he’s no longer with us. I’m so glad that his spirit lives on in this @StreamOnMax documentary“Pee-wee as Himself.”

[phil davidson @pddavidson]

I like how people who used to call smoking weed ‘toking up’ now eat gummies by the handful