patrick

I prefer not to wear socks

[patrick @pdonejuan]

@MattMMXI 10/10

[patrick @pdonejuan]

God every time I said “there’s still time” during the game last night

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Me: what happened?

7yo Boy: he punched me in the balls, we fought

5yo Girl: WELL she said I told a secret and I DIDNT but really it started three play dates ago when she called me stinky and I am NOT stinky and oh actually one time I DID tell a secret

[patrick @pdonejuan]

@robinmonotti Jay Bilas

[patrick @pdonejuan]

So soggy I had to change clothes in between kid soccer games

[patrick @pdonejuan]

How I feel when I greet the waitress at Bobo China with a ni hao

[Favian Renkel @FavianRenkel]

Mauricio Pochettino on the USMNT fans: "Please come more [to the games]."

#USMNT

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Me scrolling Twitter after Texas loses

[Chris-toph @Oh_Ok_Chool]

@BunkiePerkins College football

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Could you imagine the bidding war between guy friend groups trying to get their friend made fun of in history books forever.

“Hey grandpa, where were you when Hurricane Bill Pooped Himself in College happened?”

[ordinary deal @dealbakerjones]

why don't we sell hurricane names? it's free money for NOAA

i want to see headlines like "Hurricane CapitalOne decimates Gulf Coast"

[patrick @pdonejuan]

It’s time again

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Omw to shave my ear hairs before date night

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Watching tv on the couch and I hear my plumber in the crawlspace below me

[patrick @pdonejuan]

When the notification on your school’s communication app isn’t about your kid’s behavior

[The Masters @TheMasters]

A feeling unlike any other. #themasters

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Logging on to E*Trade

[patrick @pdonejuan]

On to the nostrils

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Omw to shave my ear hairs before date night

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Queen Elizabeth any time her sister asked for anything

[patrick @pdonejuan]

When the kids who stack chairs, stools, and boxes at the pantry ask me to get a snack from the top level

[patrick @pdonejuan]

When pi aren’t squared

[patrick @pdonejuan]

Finished assembling kid gifts by 930

[patrick @pdonejuan]

More like MissedHer Jean

[Barstool Sports @barstoolsports]

Sister Jean didn’t carry Loyola Chicago all the way to a Final Four just to be treated like this