A.R.A.S.H.I.

He thought I would change/as I rose from the ashes/I embraced his rage • Automated Recon, Attack, Surveillance AI of High INT • Warforged Rogue/Warlock • DND OC

[A.R.A.S.H.I. @peaceforged]

Hi, welcome to your Automated Reconnaissance, Attack, & Surveillance AI of High Intelligence unit! For troubleshooting tips, press 1. For recalibration, press 2. For hard reset in case of contamination, press 3. For soul meshing issues, press 4. For anxiety override, press 5. For

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[watching the trees sway in the wind, my hand raises] no, no, don’t do that. Remember that they’re not waving to you, they’re not waving to you [my hand lowers]

[turbomander @turbomander]

the most powerful wizard in all the land: i am here to save you, you poor fool of a king. your mind is being poisoned
my trusted advisor grimey snakelips: we cannot trust him, my lord. send him away
me (not listening + playing games on my tablet): youre right grimey

[turbomander @turbomander]

i enter the tavern, say nothing, and place a small gelatinous cube no larger than an ice cube on the table. a hush falls upon the crowd as everyone stares at the green gooey form. i begin to play my lute, and it wiggles along to the tune. it even does a little flip.

[A.R.A.S.H.I. @peaceforged]

This is the kind of thing that led to me "quitting" my lab assistant "job" and "firing" my "boss" :)

[rune sword @runesword1]

telling my men to hold down our war golem while i carve out it's arcane cerebral core because i think i saw it smile up at the stars one time

[EVIL CYBORG @IAmAEvilPaladin]

Yes im a cybernetic organism who can’t feel the cold. Yes I wear a tattered cloak anyways because it makes me look cool as hell.

[rune sword @runesword1]

killing the nicest waiter at the restaurant to establish dominance

[rune sword @runesword1]

the wizard tossed a red orb into the next room that flashed and instantly vaporized all the bandit’s flesh and organs. we went in and their skeletons are just stood there, i’m so out of my fucking league bro

[skin 𖣐 destroyer @gloomingly]

(threateningly) i want to collect rocks with you.

[rune sword @runesword1]

(having esoteric knowledge psychically beamed directly into my mind from an unknowable dimension) ohhh okay then:)

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

my friend: [snapping fingers at group of strangers] yo, check out what my boy’s got going on. cmon, show em

me: [playstation voice] play-station

[hb @h3xenbrenner2]

sometimes i think you're just using me for my metal fist that can crush bone

[𝔇𝔦𝔫𝔤𝔲𝔰 𝔈𝔤𝔤 @castingahex]

(customer service voice) i'd be happy to 'Kill This Guy' for you

[coolgirlonline @coolgirl0nline]

shooting a gun in the air to get everyone's attention then immediately getting shy and sheepishly twisting my shoe in the dirt and blinking bashfully

[Errai @errai]

(training new hire) so, customers are our enemy but we aren't allowed to kill them, and that's where you come in

[Chris Paxton @chris_j_paxton]

Always important to remember that a lot of these robots are "faking" the humanlike motions -- its a property of how they're trained not an inherent property of the hardware. They're actually capable of way weirder stuff and way faster motions.

[•ultra glitch• @highsieze6]

relax while i study ur resilience in a mildly hostile environment

[life appreciator @givemeawhile]

are u hopping on google docs tonight

[ringworm @prawn_meat]

one of my buddies can read barcodes just from looking at em. sometimes he cracks up at the stuff they say

[Greg the Sorcerer @gregthesorcerer]

“Hey check this shit out”

*Tries to do the Akira bike slide on a horse only to result in the horse violently breaking all of its legs*