dave

[dave @peeweedave]

Only utter dicks ask questions at the end of a presentation. What the actual hell is wrong with them? Was it not boring enough already?

[dave @peeweedave]

You know you're old and no fun when you start thinking certain roads need speed cameras

[dave @peeweedave]

A stranger just asked to borrow my phone... erm my phone is worth about £500 I won't let my own mother borrow my phone you've got no chance

[dave @peeweedave]

Suddenly getting blisters from shoes I've been wearing almost daily without incident feels like a huge betrayal

[dave @peeweedave]

Either the camera on my phone is way too good or I'm just incredibly ugly...could be both I guess

[dave @peeweedave]

My 7 year old self used to utterly hate Zangief from 'Street Fighter'.... I'm 29 now and nothing has changed, the Cossack dancing bastard!!

[dave @peeweedave]

Dammit I know self service checkouts aren't self aware but giving me change entirely in coppers makes me feel it somehow has it in for me

[dave @peeweedave]

Was just aftershave shopping and the bloke assisting me sprayed some on his own wrist and asked me to smell it... Little bit uncomfortable

[dave @peeweedave]

As awesome as Street Fighter V is nothing fills me with more joy than the music from the second installment..... https://t.co/Hcv2pFBZLG

[dave @peeweedave]

You know you've been playing Fallout 4 too long when you spot a discarded bottlecap in real life and think 'ooh better grab that'

[dave @peeweedave]

Quite possibly the greatest spam email I've ever received, that's one hell of a chat up line.....

[dave @peeweedave]

It's a good job I'm not a kid anymore I just blindly accept sweets from anyone

[dave @peeweedave]

Right, so extreme knee pain ranks right under extreme tooth pain on the Dave Wilson pain scale, I dislike pain in all of it's forms

[dave @peeweedave]

Trying to navigate past a group of people waiting for a bus is like trying to get past actual zombies only less bitey and less fun

[dave @peeweedave]

@gary_tahmasbi @Hazel_RC I'm proud she's finally conquered that demon, the fear on her face is extraordinary

[dave @peeweedave]

I take criticism about as well as Russell Crowe does.....pure rage, expletives, stropping off in a huff and swinging the odd punch

[dave @peeweedave]

This is really gonna suck isn't it?..... http://t.co/u2yt03jh1E

[dave @peeweedave]

Kids now wear black shoes and white socks with black trousers for school... In my day you would quite rightly have been bullied for that

[dave @peeweedave]

I'm flipping out the next time some random idiot asks me for directions, I really hate it

[dave @peeweedave]

May have used a hazardous chemical product without making sure the area was well ventilated, can't tell if I'm high or actually dying