bird truther

i went to the crazy people hospital for shock therapy and it didn't work good enough so i went back 2 years later and they squirted a ton of ketamine up my nose

[bird truther @penyforthoughts]

eating nuts

[bald 🇪🇺🏆🏆🏆 @palarsebald]

In pub to watch Japan game

Someone asked what times it kicking off

Said we can do it now mate

Put him through the floor

Mug

[Nick Allmaier @NickAllmaier]

Just heard a white woman tell her dog “breathe through it” as the dog eyed a squirrel

[New York Post @nypost]

63 people arrested, 4 stabbings and 1 shooting reported in NYC after Knicks fans go wild celebrating NBA Finals win https://t.co/vuH1NaGKhv

[. @playboicurrryy]

one of the easiest ways to tell if a book is good or not is to take a quick look at the cover

[bird truther @penyforthoughts]

@eeecapSistaken @ironmantimholme 144/4 is 14, not sure why u diudnt cancel out the 4s. thats basic arethmatrick

[👤 @user836462848]

I see u dr pepper #RealCreamer

[René @schizohustler]

the worst part of getting fired was the hr lady butchering the delivery while reading my tweets

[Cole 🍉 @managarmrr_]

deadlock discord server is genuinely my favourite place on earth

[HowlingMutant @Howlingmutant0]

I downloaded an online app to make the Spotify dj have a white voice but apparently it was some kind of malware and now I’m being blackmailed for my nudes so I suppose the joke is, once again, on me

[coolguy15 @boomhotdog2]

ringing out my penis like a towel after i jerk off

[Andrew Nadeau @TheAndrewNadeau]

The snake stares at my closet, “Hey man, why u own so many onesies? You’re fucking 40!” I try to explain they’re socks but the other snakes are laughing too hard to hear. I wake up in a cold sweat. I shake my wife awake. “I need our label mak—” She cuts me off, “It won’t help. Snakes can’t read.”

[cav empty @cavempty_]

my boss added a custom ai generated gif of me being mauled by a lion to our teams app and HR says they don’t have the ability to remove it

[Hans Fiene 🦬 @HansFiene]

Sorry, but there's no way you're building a billion mile long ship for sixteen dollars

[alli @sonofalli]

rage baiting men that “work in PE” by asking them what their fastest student’s mile time was

[defend children @poopswag34]

Really enjoying the fun back story and plot to this candy more candies should do this

[♡ Mazio @Maziodyne_]

Being told this changed my life

[grace @gracefishlove]

(at the dentist) u forgot to ask but i am sexually active