JP

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[JP @percyrant]

@carillionamey One of your drivers at RAF Cranwell told my wife&baby to fuck off when she asked politely not to speed on a single track road

[JP @percyrant]

Discovered why people have baths before bed. Otherwise there's no incentive to get out. Slow hot tap trickle, have snacks. Saturday sorted.

[JP @percyrant]

Four horses dead so far after grand national. Selfish animal abuse on a grand national scale.

[JP @percyrant]

Top news story this morning, Archbishop of Canterbury is confirmed to be a bastard.

[JP @percyrant]

Ice cube actually turned out to be one of Oscar's longer lasting chew toys.

[JP @percyrant]

14 days, 3,086 miles, 12 States. Phew!
"Ya'll come back ag'in y' hear"

[JP @percyrant]

You'd have thought that the advent of a globalised Information Age would have given people more perspective on their own fortunate position.

[JP @percyrant]

'Nestlé admits slave labour risk on Brazil coffee plantations' article in the guardian. 2016 and we're still enslaving our fellow man.

[JP @percyrant]

Needing to take both cars to separate garages on the same day more than justifies the need for a motorbike. #heatedgrips, #heatedbodywarmer

[JP @percyrant]

@nickpeers Heard the song 'when I'm cleaning windows' this morning and thought of you singing along while cleaning windows (registry)

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Hope the cameras are there when it says "enough is enough" & guts a few morons. https://t.co/6iDQzQtwU9

[JP @percyrant]

Got away with 55 minutes before the inevitable "why are we watching football?" From the better half of the sofa. #distractedbyonlineshopping

[JP @percyrant]

Turns out maybe I can't eat a whole trifle in one. #stayinginisthenewgoingout #M&Sgonetowaste

[JP @percyrant]

My fave vid from last year. #carregcennen #whenwewerequickerthanpuppy

[JP @percyrant]

Group hug. #NationalHugDay #leftout #mydogmocksme

[JP @percyrant]

One upside of being at home with laryngitis is that I get to take delivery of our new coffee table. .@lauraashley

[JP @percyrant]

Getting a tutorial about Twitter from the wife. #hashtags #everydayisaschoolday @Helen_E_Percy

[JP @percyrant]

Thanked for being 'a gentleman' by the guy who rear ended me on the motorway a week ago. Apart from his sh*t driving, he was a nice guy.

[JP @percyrant]

Welcome. 7 month old Oscar is judging me for my life decisions.