Perla

#jokes

[Perla @perlaayora]

@elTellible Si, aquí andamos

[Perla @perlaayora]

Turning 40 and realizing that my sixth sense was anxiety all along.

[Perla @perlaayora]

Yo: me encanta hacer comedia stand up en Merida porque me aplauden todo el tiempo.

La audiencia: No te aplaudimos estamos matando mosquitos p*ndeja
#Merida

[Perla @perlaayora]

I don’t sell drugs but I can sell you very addictive and destructive family group chat conversations.

[Perla @perlaayora]

They use celebrity scandals to distract you and take your rights, so stay focused on Adam Levine did what?!

[Perla @perlaayora]

Que le den a Will Smith goma de mascar y basket para que sea feliz.

[Perla @perlaayora]

I just ate a bean burger and I already feel morally superior

[Perla @perlaayora]

The times that I have eaten the last candy in the bag to avoid my kids fighting for it should be consider activism #motherhood

[Perla @perlaayora]

People are worried about robots taking over but they can’t even figure out how to check the “ I am not a robot” box on a website

[Perla @perlaayora]

You don’t need to be on a diet to have a cheat day, I do it all the time.

[Perla @perlaayora]

Why bother to teach my boy to be tidy, when I can leave that to his future first wife.

[Perla @perlaayora]

Parkour is exhausting! I don’t do it, my kids do it at the grocery store.

[Perla @perlaayora]

Thinking that I need to keep my safe distance from my kids #MomsWickedTruth

[Perla @perlaayora]

2020, I’m sorry for all the bad things I said about you #TrumpOut

[Perla @perlaayora]

Congratulations to not-Trump, our new president

[Perla @perlaayora]

This elections always reminded me of Game of thrones, so I know I’ll be very disappointed at the end #Election2020

[Perla @perlaayora]

U.S bought Texas from Mexico, so I think we can make a return. ( I hope we still have the receipt)#ElectionNight

[Perla @perlaayora]

My son: ” You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch, you are a real son of a bitch”
Me: He is picking up that language at school... shit! #remoteteaching

[Perla @perlaayora]

Saying ”Ommm” doesn't give me nearly as much peace as when I say ”because I say so”