Perry Pannu

Bio

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

#SuperBowl #KansasCityChiefs
@tkelce your beard is totally on point #sincere

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

My favourite part of the #SuperBowl is when @rihanna was singing on the new iPhone 15 Pro

[Mike Birbiglia @birbigs]

It could happen to any of us.

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

New Year, without Betty, ok, I need a minute…

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

I think the greatest find on boxing day is literally a parking spot
#BoxingDay

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

#cocacolaholiday
In grade 9, Jenny told everyone in Sex Ed class that if you douche with Diet Coke after sex, you can’t get pregnant
#dietcokeholiday
The teacher didn’t deny it, so….
#TrueFacts ?

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Does #Christmas end after you open presents or does it end at #midnight ?
#AskingForAFriend

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

#IndigoEvents
I loved reading #Reproduction by Ian Williams, what a thrilling read, three different eras, full of drama, peppered with comedy, mixed with just plain life. I see why it won the @GillerPrize Can’t wait to read it again
@chaptersindigo

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

13 mins is an acceptable amount of time to ‘hide’ in the bathroom during a holiday party
14 mins is just too gosh
#HelpMe
#JustKidding
#NotKidding

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

This winter air is cracking my skin, it’s so dry, it’s actually making me whine like @stevenscarrow
#Twinning
#LaundrySkin
#DryWinterSkin

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

I hope the #Celtics get overtime for working on Christmas
#MerryXmas
#Celtics
#DollaDollaBillsYawl

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Open Letter to my intestines: Please, it’s just Christmas Eve, I got one more day of overeating left, let’s call a truce until after Boxing Day
#gobblegobble
#FirstWorldProblems
#Santa

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

We say ‘Merry Christmas’ because Merry was the one that gave birth to Jesus
#Christmas

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

#SantaDoesntLikeMeBecause I put all my money into Santa Porn
#SantaSecretIsOut
#IWillBeRichTomorrow
#SantaPorn

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: Can I get a raise for Christmas?
Grammar Santa: I don’t know, can you?
Me: (kicks Santa in the balls, pushes elf) Your a meanie
Santa: (moaning on the ground) You’re
Me: (kicks Santa again)
#Santa
#SmackDown
#CountdowntoChristmas

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: You know when you’re sitting on Santa’s lap and …
Becky: …
Me: Oh, I never got that far in this gag
Becky: You can continue
Me: I don’t think I actually wrote an ending
Becky: That was anticlimactic
Me: Sorry
(Starts raining hamburgers outside)
#Santa
@NotInHelsinki

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: You know when you’re sitting on Santa’s lap and …
John: I don’t have time to do gags.
Me: Congrats on your baby!
John: Thanks
Me: Please don’t cancel your tour, especially your show in Vancouver
John…
Me: I see that you’re busy (leaves)
#SantaClausIsComingToTown
@mulaney

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: You know when you’re sitting on Santa’s lap and …
Todrick: I don’t sit, I slay
Me: (Smiles awkwardly, slowly shuffles away)
#SantaClausIsComingToTown
@todrick

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: You know when you’re sitting on Santa’s lap and …
Steve: Don’t say it…
Me…
Steve…
Me: …and he smells like …
Steve: Don’t say it…
Me: … a boner
Steve punches me in the face, kicks me in the balls
Me: Thank you Santa
#SantaClausIsComingToTown
@@stevenscarrow

[Perry Pannu @perrypannu]

Me: You know when you’re sitting on Santa’s lap and …
Darren: …And you feel his boner?
Me…
Darren…
Me: It’s like you’re in my head
@WorldofPuffy
#SantaClausIsComingToTown