ant

absolutely not a colony of ants in a trench coat trying to buy a movie ticket || be the reason someone deletes this app

[ant @peryourlast]

RIP Toby Keith you would have loved the fighting on the White House lawn

[ant @peryourlast]

They’re sticking my hand in the air fryer, which produces a perfectly crisp exterior without the use of excess oil compared to traditional frying methods, at work tomorrow

[ant @peryourlast]

@TheMattGrimes See I knew you were the right choice

[ant @peryourlast]

Not enough red ant representation in cinema

[ant @peryourlast]

@TheMattGrimes I would like you to voice Ant in the sequels

[ant @peryourlast]

@factualistic Microwave is broken. We have room temperature whole milk. Oh, and Evan Williams, not Jack.

[ant @peryourlast]

Going to the bar to black out on 2% milk

[ant @peryourlast]

They’re sticking an air compressor up my ass and blowing me up like a balloon at work tomorrow

[ant @peryourlast]

@DraftDomestic It’s always dark in the mound brother I have no other choice

[ant @peryourlast]

*me at home in my recliner with the lights off drinking a $40 glass of whiskey*

Shuttup Draft I had a long day!

[DraftDomestic @DraftDomestic]

“Speakeasies” are becoming the new Brewery fad. Far too many. Who wants to drink a $20 cocktail in the dark.

[ant @peryourlast]

I have been informed they just get continuously reincarnated in Little Italy in Brooklyn

[ant @peryourlast]

Is there a separate heaven for Italians

[ant @peryourlast]

Is there a separate heaven for Italians

[ant @peryourlast]

Without looking it up I just know some artist made a comb out of razor blades and called it “human desires” or some stupid bullshit

[ant @peryourlast]

@HunterBiden We’re happy for you but please tell us how to dig a more efficient mound we are running out of time

[ant @peryourlast]

We asked Hunter Biden to design us a more efficient mound. We are awaiting response

[ant @peryourlast]

The Ant Mossad is coming after me for selling on their turf

[ant @peryourlast]

The wife just told me turbonuking my glutathione reserve with C₂H₆O on a Wednesday is no good

[ant @peryourlast]

Made the “Swiffer? I barely know ‘er!” joke to the custodian and he beat the absolute fuck out of me

[ant @peryourlast]

No no no I keel

[Silenced Anglo @SilencedAnglo]

They took out Consuela

[ant @peryourlast]

You’re not ready for 36,453 ants in ya ass then

[Stocking Mill Coffee @smcroasters]

You’re not ready to carry a gun yet then.

End of discussion.

[ant @peryourlast]

Flight to the Clav meetup delayed cuz some peon was cardiac arrestmaxxing