Peter Pit Stain

I know what you're thinking because I read minds. You're thinking what I'm thinking and you know what I'm thinking. Free 2 for 1 coupon for time & space travel.

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Took my microwave out for a walk today.

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I shaved half my beard today while brushing my teeth and combing my eyebrow. #beard #accomplishment #multitasking #eyebrow

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I finally found my password. He’s a good hide and seek player. #password

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I can’t use my ladder because I left it on my roof. #ladder

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Tried to plant my garden but my TV got in the way. #Garden

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Replaced the door hinges on my glasses after counting my eyebrow hairs. #eyebrow #hair

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I was cuddling with my couch till it popped a spring. #SoreBalls

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I answered the toilet when the phone rang. #toilet #phone

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Marinating my socks before I go to bed. #seasonSocks #bed

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Alarm clock didn’t work. Slept in the bathtub for 6 days. My skin is wrinkly. Luckily no floaters. #wrinkly #skin

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Knock, Knock. Big Knocker.
https://t.co/3up1yjaTRc

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Found a sink hole in my kitchen. I couldn’t de-sunk it because the pneumatic asphalt paver wouldn’t fit through my front door. #Asphalt #Paver

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Made an economic cost saving decision. Will save on the water bill by not flushing until the toilet is full. #Savingbucks

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Big busy day tomorrow. Got to do some yard work. I have to rake the leaves off my kitchen floor and trim the ceiling. #kitchen #leaves

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

So, I was throwing fists with the couch this morning when all of sudden my pillow upper cut me in the chops and kneed me in the balls. I guillotined the bitch. #NeedNewPillow

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Note the blue shovel. It was used to find my escaped pet gold fish, Dickee Cheese. Poor Dick ended up getting sucked by the sewer drain. Can’t get my refund from the pet store now. #Dick #sewer #sucked

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

#boots #shovel

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

#boots #shovel

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Just changed the trash can for my garbage bag. #garbage #trash

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Want to buy an all terrain freezer for my bathroom. #freezer #bathroom

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

I need an extension on my extension cord. #Longer #Cord

[Peter Pit Stain @PeterPitStain]

Guy phones me and tells me my computer got a virus. I said fuc you. No, it’s hung over from doing too many screen shots. #ShotGlass #ComputerVirus