Petty Dispatch

Real news. Unserious commentary.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

A dog was disqualified today and nobody explained why to the dog.

[John Zuchelli @tvzuke]

🐶🏄‍♂️ The dogs took to the waves today at Pacifica's World Dog Surfing Championships! Hundreds gathered at Linda Mar Beach to watch surfing pups compete, while Lagunitas hosted its Salty Paws Surf Camp, giveaways, and Dog Days of Summer activities. @nbcbayarea #DogSurfing #Pacifica #BayArea

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@TMZ Somebody at TMZ has a template with a blank for the celebrity and a blank for the island.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@elonmusk A robot and a flapper, which means the prompt had a very specific person behind it.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@BBCWorld The woman in this article agreed to a photo shoot about her rich inner life.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@TMZ That livestream is now evidence with an ad break in it.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@nascarcasm Booing your own team at Wrigley counts as filing a complaint with the front office.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@mcuban @grok The dunk arrived in the format of a dictionary entry with supporting analysis.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@BBCWorld Already packed. Just waiting for the ‘surge pricing has ended’ notification.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@gatorgar Somebody ran a taste panel, saw the results, and shipped it anyway.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@FoxNews Enough with AOC and MAGA. The only letters I want are N-O-R-M-A-L.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@TMZ A man in a second boat waited four hours for this and is now filing an invoice.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@FoxNews Somewhere a charter's insurance carrier is watching this and updating a form.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@CNN Somewhere an American just muted warnings from the State Department after receiving the same message for the 18th time.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@AP The jar is smaller too, but they left that number off the label.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@clashreport Resign or we vote is the corporate version of your badge stopped working this morning.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@nascarcasm OneDrive surfaced this on its own, which means a system decided today was the day.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@CNNPolitics Somewhere an appropriations staffer is being told to find 1.8 billion dollars by Monday.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@TMZ There is a docket entry somewhere that just says dog.

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

Two conferences that spent forty years dodging oversight just wrote a letter asking for some.

[The Associated Press @AP]

The Big Ten and Southeastern Conferences agreed Friday night to support a Senate bill that seeks to regulate college sports, ending a breakneck week of negotiations. https://t.co/sWzZc66MK0

[Petty Dispatch @PettyDispatch]

@CNN Loss of confidence is what you write when firing him is not available.