John Nichols

Once in college, but I didn't enjoy it...

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

@saturdaycontest @damnfinetweet I married late because I supposedly wasn’t “Mature enough.” Now, over 30 years later, my wife says it’s an Asymptotic Curve. Heh heh...Ass...heh heh...

[Brent Terhune in Cincinnati July 11 @BrentTerhune]

GOP to quietly move Matt Gaetz to a new parish.

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

It’s not my fault that the Ouija Board always says, “you guys should order a large pizza” every time I play.

[JodingersCat-astrophe @JMoneySlimer]

The number one rule of Fart Club is no gaslighting

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

@WriteEditPJ Letterkenny

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

@ArtCandee Double Indemnity

[warrior cop @wyatt_privilege]

Gaetz entering mysteriously empty Senate confirmation hearing when Chris Hansen walks in

[dior ✞ @deeore5]

my card declined at subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me

[Sarah Dohl ❌👑 @SarahDohl]

Sequels usually suck, but, well, all of us at @IndivisibleTeam are pretty proud of this one—a brand new Indivisible Guide for Trump 2.0: https://t.co/PWowWfTQIW

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

When asked why he appointed Matt Gaetz to the position of Attorney General, the president elect said, “well, my people tell me that the great Charles Manson is unavailable.”

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

@BenGriecoSports True. I mean, sometimes Coach drove the bus, but we didn’t pay.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

I got fired from my job, because I kept asking customers whether they’d prefer “smoking”, or “non-smoking”.

Apparently, the correct terms are “cremation” or “burial”.

[mariana Z @mariana057]

Me: I'm having a really good day except for newpussycat

Friend: What's newpussycat?

Me: WHOA A WHOA WHOA OOOH

[John Nichols @pgrove222]

@citizenkawala Describe it to us. Slowly…

[⋆⁺₊⋆ jessica ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆ 🍉 @ItsMrsRabbitToU]

Omg 😭

[Protect Kamala Harris ✊ @DisavowTrump20]

🚨NEW: Senator Elizabeth Warren has called on Senate Democrats to confirm a flurry of federal judges and regulators prior to Republicans retaking the majority.

RETWEET if you agree with @SenWarren!

[Uncle Bob 🍩 @UncleBob56]

Nurse: What happened to your FINGERS?
Me: You know those chefs who cut up vegetables real fast?
N: Yes?
M: I can't do that.

[David @schaalfan]

It’s his time

[The New Yorker @NewYorker]

In 2008, David Sedaris wrote about the mysterious segment of the electorate known as undecided voters. “I mean, really, what’s to be confused about?”
https://t.co/gkfLt6QQx6