PG Stoathouse

Have you ever wanted to see pictures of stoats captioned with quotes from PG Wodehouse? You’ve come to the right place.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

I yield to no man in my approval of those institutions where on payment of a shilling you are permitted to slide down a slippery run-way sitting on a mat. I love the Jiggle-Joggle, and I am prepared to take on all and sundry at Skee Ball for money, stamps, or Brazil nuts.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

‘Are you fond of flowers, Biffy?’ I said.
‘Eh?’
‘Smell these.’
Biffy extended the old beak in a careworn sort of way, and I pressed the bulb as per printed instructions on the label.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

The fact is, Bertie, old lad, my heart is
broken. I'll tell you the whole story!
No, I say! I protested. But he was off.
‘Last year,’ said Biffy, 'I buzzed over to Canada to do a bit of salmon fishing.'
I ordered another. If this was going to be a fish-story, I needed stimulants.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

‘Jeeves,’ I said. I had just come from seeing dear old Rocky off to his country cottage, and an hour before he had seen his aunt off to whatever hamlet it was that she was the curse of; so we were alone at last.
‘Jeeves, there's no place like home - what?’

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

'Do you mean to say, young man,' she said, frostily, 'that you expect me to drink this stuff?'
'Rather! Bucks you up, you know!
'What do you mean by the expression "Bucks you up"?'
'Well, makes you full of beans, you know. Makes you fizz.'

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

There's a fortune in it. You can get anything you like for eggs in America. Fellows keep them on ice for years and years, and don't sell them till they fetch about a dollar a whirl.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

‘There won't be a newspaper man in the place!’
‘In that case I shall be glad to make the acquaintance of your
friends.’
‘You'll shake hands with them, and so forth?’
‘I shall naturally order my behaviour according to the accepted
rules of civilised intercourse.’

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

The idea was that he would give me a remittance on condition that I dashed out to some blighted locality of the name of Colorado and learned farming… I should have had to ride horses and pursue cows, and so forth. At the same time, don't you know, I had to have that remittance.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

Fine!' I said. 'Is Lord Pershore in, Jeeves?'
‘No, sir.’
'Do you expect him back to dinner?'
'No, sir.'
"Where is he?'
'In prison, sir.'
'In prison!'
'Yes, sir.'
'You don't mean - in prison?*
'Yes, sir.'
I lowered myself into a chair.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

“What’s wrong with this tie? I’ve seen you give it a nasty look before. Speak out like a man! What’s the matter with it?”

“Too ornate, sir.”

“Nonsense! A cheerful pink. Nothing more.”

“Unsuitable, sir.”

“Jeeves, this is the tie I wear!”

“Very good, sir.”

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

Listen, Corky, old top! If you think I am going to face that uncle of yours without Jeeves’s support, you’re mistaken. I’d sooner go into a den of wild beasts and bite a lion on the back of the neck.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

From what I've observed, the American captain of industry doesn't do anything out of business hours. When he has put the cat out and locked up the office for the night, he just relapses into a state of coma from which he emerges only to start being a captain of industry again.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

It must have been something pretty bad. It took a lot to make them chuck people out of music-halls in 1887.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

I might be a chump, but, dash it, I could out-general a mere kid with a face like a ferret.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

Moreover, if you have ever studied psychology, sir, you will know that respectable old gentlemen are by no means averse to having it advertised that they were extremely wild in their youth. I have an uncle—

I cursed his aunts and his uncles and him and all the rest of the family

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

Florence was a dear girl, and, seen sideways, most awfully good-looking; but if she had a fault it was a tendency to be a bit imperious with the domestic staff.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

He was the old buster who, a few years later, came down to breakfast one morning, lifted the first cover he saw, said 'Eggs! Eggs! Eggs!
Damn all eggs!' in an overwrought sort of voice, and instantly legged it for France, never to return to the bosom of his family.

[PG Stoathouse @pgstoathouse]

He got after me with a hunting-crop just at the moment when I was beginning to realise that what I wanted most on earth was solitude and repose, and chased me more than a mile across difficult country.