my favourite nonsense retcon in comic history is when they retconned Cyclops so his eyes do not fire laser beams but are actually portals to a dimension filled entirely with laser beams
once when I was waitressing I had a co-worker who was SO unfazed by rude customers and I was like “how do you do it?!” and she was like “oh, I have a trustfund- I just do this to make friends” and I think about her every day
Before we had the term “situationship,” Toni Morrison gave us two of the most brutal paragraphs ever written in the English language about the subject:
Tarot reader: in the first space I see the two of swords. Is there a decision you're trying t-
Me, pulling from my own deck: I play the Page of Pentacles in defense position and draw. The Page allows me to also play a minor arcana so I place the Three of Wands in attack position