taylor phillips

why am I the only one who laughs at my jokes #tphillfacts

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Someone at the airport complimented my shoes. So, as any completely normal human response, I made eye contact and said “I’m excited.” EXCITED FOR WHAT?! Who knows. I don’t. #airportantidotes

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

The flight attendant was walking around with a trash bag saying “Seat belts on. Trash?” But really I would like the story better if she said “seat belts on, trash.”

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Dracula:
-old
-too many pages
-overly dramatic

Hotel Transylvania:
-culturally relevant
-a beautifully directed masterpiece
-hilarious & light hearted

#StayWoke

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Thought about quitting everything and becoming a Tik Toker but the wounds from Vine are still too fresh. #toosoon

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

I could do this for a living...

Watch Tik Toks. Being a famous Tik toker would be too much pressure.

[aiko ‎ @_xaikox]

god my humor is trash

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

There is hope in this world

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

@pdrfrmtx as per tradition, hbd bud!!! 💕

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

“I would carbonate Gatorade” #nannydiaries2019

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Child: “Is beer or soda more caffeinated?” “
Me:”Soda”
Child: “You’ve drank beer before?! Don’t you think you’re a little young for that?”

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

“If I could have a super power, it would be to have heat vision so I could see what the hottest part of your body is” #nannydiaries2019

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

“Honestly, hashtags are just tic tac toe boiz” #nannydiaries2019

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Currently nannying a 7 & 9 year olds. They are small, obsessed with video games, and ask very good questions with witty responses. Here are a few:

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

La Croix walked so White Claw could run

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

@JoseTalavera16 @molly_pop12 I call the scooter!!!

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

@JoseTalavera16 @GregoryJackson8 Let’s go boiz

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Jesus when he feeds five thousand with only five loaves and two fish: “let’s get this bread” *winks into camera*

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

Omg!!! It’s The Black Hood before his career really took off in #Riverdale! @CW_Riverdale

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

@sorrynotsorryy Me after coffee

[taylor phillips @philltay000]

“What’s it like living in Denver?”