Phil Webb

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

I challenge you to spoon-feed a baby without opening your own mouth.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

Ten years ago, we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope and Johnny Dinosaurs.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

Whatever kind of high-five you think you're about to do, the other guy is thinking of a different one.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

My daughter just showed me a grape that she'd bitten into, and said "Look, I broke this in half with my face. "

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

When someone says "I don't care what other people think", what they really mean is "I only care what some other people think".

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

It's nice to see my kids playing old fashioned games like "put a bucket on your little brother's head and hit it with a golf club".

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

I'm glad dinosaurs are extinct. There. I said it.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

Head sized boxes always have a head in them.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

White guys wearing helmets all look the same #BandOfBrothers

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

The little fat kid in "Up" is quite athletic.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

"Answering questions is a sign of weakness. Instead, let me explain all the ways in which your question is dumb" - Every internet forum user

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

Just did some analysis of my typing technique. Never use my left thumb. Need to start rotating my thumbs so I don't wear out the right one.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

Having a hard time convincing my 2 year old daughter that Shrek isn't a turtle.

[Phil Webb @philwebb]

The guy riding the camel on the Australian $20 note looks like he's doing it wrong.