10e

Repeal the NFA

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

The official line is that they were a Norwegian trade delegation. Technically accurate, because they are Nordic, and there was trade. But they are also seven feet tall, telepathic, and arrived on the South Lawn without a vehicle.

I am the Deputy Director of Visitor Logistics at the White House. I logged them into WAVES as FOREIGN DIGNITARIES (3), NON-TERRESTRIAL, NO MOTORCADE REQUIRED, and the meeting went extremely well.

The Pleiadians requested the audience in March. They communicate telepathically, which the President respected immediately, because it meant nothing was in writing.

They traveled 444 light-years to deliver a warning about our trajectory as a species, the kind of warning a doctor gives a patient who keeps asking if he can smoke in the waiting room. Atomic weapons. Ocean collapse. Machine intelligence. I did not take complete notes, because the meeting ran 25 minutes and he spent the first eleven asking where they got the jackets.

Their opening offer: clean fusion, the cure for every disease, the propulsion equations. Free. Contingent on planetary disarmament.

His advisors begged him not to negotiate against a species that reads minds. It turned out he is the one man alive with nothing to find. They reached into his mind expecting layer upon layer of deception and found a single image, perfectly clear: him, wearing one of their jackets. The delegation conferred for a long moment and informed us that in eleven thousand years of contact, no species had ever tried to buy the uniform. They called it coherence. They did not mean it as a compliment. He has already trademarked it.

He countered. Landing rights, retroactive to 1947. Eighty years of unauthorized airspace use, invoiced with interest. Legal added a line item for the weather balloon story. Narrative services. We billed them for our own cover-up, and the tall one went silent for nine seconds, which I am told is how their species weeps.

Greenland stays in the deal. They did not want Greenland. He said that's how he knew it was valuable. What kind of advanced civilization passes on waterfront?

Then UFC Freedom 250. This Sunday. Seven bouts on the same lawn we were standing on. His birthday, which he assured them was a coincidence the universe keeps arranging. He offered them galactic distribution rights. Then he looked at the tall one for a long time and offered him the co-main event. Seven feet. Reach like a cathedral door. Walks around at a weight our scales log as an error. Someone said the commission would never sanction it. He appoints the commission.

The tall one declined. He lowered the offer to the prelims. This is a negotiating technique.

They asked if staging a cage fight on the negotiation site was a threat display. He said it was a Flag Day celebration, and also yes.

I should note that an environmental group has sued to stop the octagon. Nobody has sued to stop the aliens. I forwarded this to Counsel as proof that the permitting process is working.

Protocol required a gift exchange. They presented a small silver sphere that shows the holder the full consequences of his choices. He looked into it for four seconds and asked if it came in gold.

You have all seen the photo. A groundskeeper took it through the magnolias. We told the press pool it was a costume rehearsal for a streaming series, and the pool, to their credit, wrote that down. The groundskeeper now works at the Department of Energy. I am told this is a promotion.

There is also footage. He spotted the camera mid-meeting and pointed at it the way you'd point at a waiter whose name you intend to learn. Instead of having it confiscated, he licensed it on the spot. The leak is now official merchandise. Every time you share it, a royalty accrues. You have probably shared it. Have you checked? He thanks you for your business.

The deal collapsed at dusk. The Pleiadians withdrew the fusion offer when he asked them to walk out before the main event as Special Guests of the Octagon. They said humanity was not ready. He had Counsel log that as a verbal option to renew.

Final tally: our species declined the cure for every disease and counteroffered with pay-per-view. The delegation received two tickets to the Ellipse screening area. Not cageside. He does not give away cageside.

They left without sound. One moment present, then elsewhere, like a fee disclosure.

Two things before Sunday. The walkout jackets for the main card are red with gold embroidery. Licensed. The fusion fell through, but the jackets closed in an afternoon.

And there are three seats on the South Lawn logged as HOLD, GUESTS OF THE PRINCIPAL, DO NOT ASSIGN. I did not enter that hold. The system says I did.

He says everyone comes back to the table.

We're the only planet with the belt.

[Desiree @DesireeAmerica4]

UPDATE: The state completely dropped the charges against Dillon Webb, admitting his First Amendment rights were rock-solid.

But when he sued for false arrest, the system protected its own. A federal judge dismissed the case, granting the deputy "qualified immunity" because of a legal technicality.

​Dillon won his freedom, but the deputy got off scot-free. A textbook example of how an officer can make a completely unconstitutional arrest, drag you to jail, tow your truck, and still be shielded from liability. Is that justice?

​Video Credit: VICE

[E X X ➠A L E R T S @ExxAlerts]

ALERT: Woman pulls a gun out from inside her body as she digs in her pants and hands it over to the police.

The 45-year-old woman was stopped by Brazilian Military police in Goiânia when they became suspicious and performed a search on her and a man.

The woman can be seen digging into her pants and pulling out a firearm, and then handing it to a police officer.

Police then arrested the woman and took her to a local police station for processing.

[Sean Strickland @SStricklandMMA]

The man was waking up.... It took me awhile as well. A life time of Israel propaganda is hard to break out of.

[Russian Garbage Human @RusGarbageHuman]

They'd never snatch r*pe gang members like this. Or phone thieves.

Only the White people.

[Marie Isabella @MarieIsabellaB]

Looks about right to me🔫😂

[J.K. Rowling @jk_rowling]

Appalling 🧵

I want those who champion men in women’s sport to explain why they’re happy to put girls at risk like this.

[DNI Tulsi Gabbard @DNIGabbard]

Today, I’m releasing never before seen intelligence revealing new evidence of past US government funding for more than 120 biolabs in over 30 countries, including Ukraine.

In support of President Trump‘s Executive Order to end federal funding of dangerous gain of function research around the world, and increase transparency and accountability, ODNI will continue working with partners across the Administration to identify where these labs are, what pathogens they contain, and what “research” is being conducted.

https://t.co/pLMD0krc69

[Raised in Alaska @akkingon]

When your nose itches.

[Lord Bebo @MyLordBebo]

🇷🇺🇺🇸 Russia and US will build a tunnel from Chukotka to Alaska, Putin’s envoy Dmitriev says.

That would be wild … longest road trip just got an upgrade

[Bruce Fenton @brucefenton]

If Israel was created in Alaska we’d have never ending propaganda about how Eskimos were barbaric and incompatible with the west and Alaska would be bombing the Yukon, Northwest Territories, Alberta and British Colombia.

[The Figen @TheFigen_]

A gigantic brown bear was filmed fearlessly trekking across the remote, snow-capped summits high in Alaska’s mountains.

[Kevin Sorbo @ksorbs]

A school in California just hosted a “black only” graduation.

I thought segregation was bad?