egg

can’t walk me out in the morning dew

[egg @phunk_off]

u might be cool but you’re not gus in glasses cool

[m@thew @TweetPotato314]

therapist: describe this picture

me: that’s my father yelling at me

therapist: and this one

me: you having sex with my wife

therapist: and this one

me: aren’t these normally ink blots

[egg @phunk_off]

i do

[wetto @SuicideChrist]

You look like you buy jeans on amazon

[egg @phunk_off]

“bee crane”

[egg @phunk_off]

yesterday at work we tied a wasp to a string and made it pick up medicated hard candies

[egg @phunk_off]

cannot believe 4/5/98 phish is 21 years old today; cavern fuck my shit up

[egg @phunk_off]

i assign generic names to all the random people in my classes and i’ve been right a few times this semester

[egg @phunk_off]

sometimes i wish gus didn’t have balls so i could take him to the dog park

[egg @phunk_off]

lol i threw up like 30 times yesterday god bless elyse for taking care of me

[egg @phunk_off]

hahahaha what the fuck

[BDC Police Reports @police_reports]

A drunk woman reported she thought a man was going to shoot up a bar, so she “made out” with him. Officers gave the woman a ride home.

[The Onion @TheOnion]

"It’s really hard to know that I’ll never again stumble off the field, trying to regain my balance while the stadium crowd whirls around me and bright lights hurt my eyes."

[Lil Pump @lilpump]

I only FaceTime people bc I can’t spell

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

my mom when she was pregnant with me:

| |
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| 🤠 /
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[ClickHole @ClickHole]

8 Things You’re Totally Not Going To Miss About Living With Roommates https://t.co/tZUh4YnZBO

[egg @phunk_off]

i just saw a honda crv with a license plate that read “MY BMW”

[egg @phunk_off]

i heard someone say “some of a bitch” and i like that better

[egg @phunk_off]

lol pregnant ladies have a fuckin person inside them

[zach kagan @zakagan]

nobody:

jimmy john’s bag:
———— * ————
IT TAKES A
𝐅𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊
TO MAKE A
SANDWICH
ᴛʜᴀᴛ’ʟʟ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏu
𝐁𝐔𝐒𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐒
—— ғʀᴇᴀᴋ ʏᴇᴀʜ ——

[katy wadey @katywadey]

“What’s it like in Montana?”

[James Kam @jamkam017]

@YEMblog @bizarchive Would love for Contact to become a 20 min excursion for funk. Thought that might happen on Jam Night at the Dozen. 2nd choice is Limb by Limb #yembconvo