Kristen

Stand up/Sketch writer/performer for Lipstick Mustache/Cat Lover/Thrift Store Junkie/Lipstick Mustache:

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

I don't like the rug, but that rugs likes me.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

I don't like bugs, but the bugs like me.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

I don't like the hugs, but the hugs like me.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

People frequently greet me with "look what the cat dragged in." But for the record I'm not a dead bird, or a vowel for that matter.

[The Comedy Corner Underground @TheCCU]

TONIGHT! Funny stories about shitty things with @abbyloveoatmeal and @klohwey

8pm, free for students

https://t.co/NoPTFfFJpt…

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

#NextYearIPromiseTo put less effort into promises.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

@DinolaurRexnut It took me two times. Because I got scared.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

Sometimes, even after you've fucked up a million and one times. It takes that one friend to just say "you're not a shitty person." To make everything ok again.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

@aparnapkin You make me happy everyday. Thank you for that.🌈👏❤️

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

Going to my favorite place tonight! @ClearWaterCMDY at @ThePlusEC Where I get to drink @SpottedCow_Wisc . There Moto should be "2 beers fucks you up!" I love Wisconsin!

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

I have $7 in my bank account. And a $25 gift card to @redlobster in my wallet. What I lack in funds, I make up for in shrimps. Love you @redlobster.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

What do millennials want for Xmas?
Fiscal Responsibility

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

@spoonfulofassss You just took all my worries away!👏🦄

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

So I've only won words with friends twice. Once against a teenage girl and once against a body builder. So that's my level.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

❤️ https://t.co/utH898RCQe

[billy eichner @billyeichner]

This is real Christmas magic. Also, this child is going to write a scathing thinkpiece about me one day and I can't wait. https://t.co/t2N1oj5MQA

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

I want to make a stand up version of a James Bond Movie. Called, " Eat Shit,Try Another Day."

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

In honor of the death of aim, I'll be posting my favorite away message from high school. "Not even sad." #RIPAIM

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

Better get all that porn backed up on VHS. #NetNeutrality

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

If you ever need an actress that has anxiety induced vommiting or farting. I'm your girl.

[Kristen @pichettecomedy]

Sometimes I like to say "I'm going to have a snack." But with a Russian accent, so it sounds like I'm about to have a snake.