Nikki

My entire life is an awkward moment.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

I fall in love with everything. I also hate everything. It’s very hard to be a misanthrope and a romantic.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Get you a man who says “you’ve had a rough week. I wanna spoil you” and then takes you to Zales to buy anything you want from the Enchanted Disney Collection ❤️💍

[Sok-It @javasok]

The 3 guarantees in life:

-death
-taxes
-Your Dunkin’ order will taste different every time you order it

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Mom: “Nicole how old are you?”
Me: “29”
Gianna: *horrified* “YOU’RE ALMOST 30??”
Me: “Thanks for that.”

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

My child has her first “boyfriend.” I have no idea how to parent this. They “broke up” after he didn’t want to play Minecraft but now they’re back on. They go on “dates” & she goes to his baseball games & he waves at her from the field. How is she this old? How am I this old?

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Where was this booth on career day? Why was this never presented as a viable career option during my formative years? I’m truly devastated. How do the stars align so perfectly for you to even get this job? Someone help a girl out!

[Snoop Dogg @SnoopDogg]

Inflation. Their salary went up!!

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

The second thing I learned today: it’s $21 for a pack of cigarettes in Chicago. Dumb.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Things I learned today: don’t look at your friend while poorly doing yoga because you’re both gonna start laughing and then you’ll need to excuse yourself from the room because you laughed so hard you need to pee😅😂🤣

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Something I never thought I’d say… i’m happy to be back in Ohio.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

I have two places that put my soul at peace. In a smoking room of a casino and on a beach.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

The fact that two men I dated posted pictures of themselves building the Lego DeLorean from Back to the Future within minutes of each other says something about my taste in men but I’m not sure I want to know what it is 🤷‍♀️

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

I did the math and it would take me 14.8 years to earn the amount of money Kim Kardashian charges per Instagram post.
My daily income is 0.13% percent of Kim’s daily income. I gotta really get off my ass and work harder, that‘ll solve my problems 🙄🙄🙄

[Douglas Lyons @DouglasSings]

Hear me out.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

If there’s any doubt about how seriously I take my role as “the cousin who doesn’t show up to family events” I went to my cousin’s bridal shower today and 50% of my family had no idea I have a 6 month old son 😂🤷‍♀️

[Kristi Yamaguccimane @wapplehouse]

The Taco Bell drive thru at 1 am will have a $200k Mercedes S65 waiting right behind a ‘96 Cavalier that’s never had the oil changed followed by a moped ridden by three people. All craving the same thing: to Live Más. Truly the last great melting pot of class in this country.

[dani 🌙 @yupdanix]

Y’all screamed at customer service workers to quit if they don’t like their wages. Now y’all pissed it takes 45 minutes to get your food made in a restaurant and Starbucks closing at 7pm 😂😂😂

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Is there a professional way to say “I’m a bad ass boss bitch” because I don’t think I can put that in an email to my RDO.

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Any couple who can get their kids ready, into the car, get them to a destination, and get them back out of the car without arguing with each other at least once is not to be trusted. Parenting these kids be stressful, y’all.

[Timeless @TimelessSPTV]

5 years ago today, #Timeless premiered.

Happy Anniversary, #Clockblockers. 🤍🖤

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

Some bitch pulled up beside me while I was driving this morning & recorded herself calling me a “dumb white bitch” so if you see a video of me yelling at her to get out of her car, just know she was going 55 on the freeway, throwing her brakes on & flipping me off & I’m not sorry

[Nikki @pickynikki17]

@samanthacr07 This tweet is giving me life