Michael Martin

y’all

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

A thought just occurred to me that they very well might solve aging and perhaps even death in my lifetime but certainly not in the lifespan of my parents and now suddenly I feel terribly, finally alone.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

EDM??? No thanks! EMDR? Yes plz.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

There are two types of people: people who are insufferable because they stick their tongues out in photos, and people who are insufferable for other reasons.

Pick your poison.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

somewhere
inside my

subconscious

there’s a smirking
emotional landlord,

scoffing

at the very idea, that i think i may

someday

get a return
on my deposit

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

The elitism implied, I guess? Or like, the value system? Like, this is what you’re advertising? This is who you are, at your core?

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

Is this low key the most obnoxious profile photo ever to hit Grindr, or am I just having a bad day? Something about this pic makes me want to strange the person who posted it.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

@brauktylur I support this tweet because of the positive self-talk. Stay pretty, good boy.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

I get it, Google Photos - I was in a happy relationship in 2021. Can we move on now or are you gonna keep mentioning it twice a day, forever?

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

@gaynaughtywelsh @DudeFrisky1 That looks like a great way to get pink eye

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

@brettwhite I’m sorry. I thought about you immediately when I heard the news. Hope you’re okay.

[OnStage Blog @OnstageBlog]

So NPR, a reputable news organizations, comes out this week with an update on sexual misconduct allegations against William Ivey Long and not a single NYC or Theatre journalism entity picks it up?

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“I pooped a lot today and suddenly I feel thin and fun,” is a great way to say hello on #Grindr

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“I’m half Italian��”

“Yeah, but which half??”

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“Did you get this in prison, or Daytona Beach?” is a fun thing to say when you’re examining a stranger’s tattoos.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

Why are there so many tik toks from 22 years olds showing us their skin care regimes?

I want a grizzled 80 year old rubbing Crisco on her face, plz

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

@phuzzykins The Gaslight Knoll

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

What’s He Hiding Under That Puffy Jacket?

A Hinge Mystery Thriller

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“You should post more selfies looking smug and self satisfied,” I typed into the comment bar of my mean-gay frienemy.

A younger me would have posted, too. Wiser me just hovered over the options and deleted.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“Oh really? Did you get a leg cramp!? Try bottoming for 30 plus years.”

Right in the middle of Trader Joe’s. Shut his boy down, too.

[Michael Martin @Piefolk]

“What brings you onto Grindr?” he asked, as a self-satisfied smirk colored his tone.

I turned and cocked my head, carefully listening. Somewhere, an arcane bird in a far away land cried out against the coming darkness.