NotASecretAgent

Aspiring alcoholic. Food lover. Desperately lonely. Porn enthusiast.

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

The best alternative to coffee is watching someone edit a 40 page word document on a laptop without a mouse

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

Ladies, if he

- is generally known and loved by most people
- makes you happy
- is just genuinely nice
- is always there for you
- hears the drums echoing tonight

He's not your man. He's the classic '80s soft rock hit "Africa" by Toto

[shen the bird @Shen_the_Bird]

doctor: i'm sorry [consoling my family] he's going to live

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

Mom: *says something*
Me: What?
Mom: *something*
Me: I CAN'T HEAR YOU
Mom: *something*
Me: *walks to the kitchen enraged* WHAT?
Mom: Oh nothing I was talking to the cat

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

tradition from fiddler on the roof but with the audio of the jetsons theme song

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

I wish I could text my cat "come home you bitch"

[im on the ither sight @jon_snow_420]

This month the Harvest Box had meat inside. Mother cried but prepared it anyway. It was not like any meat I had tasted before. Father is still missing

[PFT Commenter @PFTCommenter]

glad its just his birthday for a second i thought something terrble had happened

[Rachel Dratch @TheRealDratch]

Tonight I was flipping back and forth from the Olympics to Hoarders. Like to think I fall somewhere in between.

[Mindy Furano @MindyFurano]

Bones sinking like stones, all that we fought for 🎶

[Saturday Night Live @nbcsnl]

Me on LinkedIn vs. me on Twitter

[mamrie hart @mametown]

Can't spell 'Logan Paul' without 'O Anal Plug'. Do with that what you will.

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

Just to be clear, I just watched star wars and I won't be able speak till Christmas https://t.co/ce61Cyso30

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

@LauraDern you're not the hero I thought I needed but boy I was wrong

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

@LauraDern you're not the hero I thought I needed but boy I was wrong

[B R I A N @theinfamouscpa]

My grandma literally got me through college, she was my number 1 support system, glad I could bring her some joy. A small token of my appreciation 🙏🏾

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Happy first night of Hanukkah to Roy Moore’s attorney and everyone else celebrating!

[NotASecretAgent @pikozsolt]

Look at this adorable idiot

[bug @sjalynnmayree]

remember when youd go over to ur friends and go to the “computer room” to the old shitty desktop n sit on the giant black leather computer chair and ur friend showed you charlie the unicorn n harry potter puppets and their older siblings were listening to soulja boy and tpain yea