Captain McCaptain

denial is a river up my ass

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

Wish I was 12 inches tall so a 6 foot Amazonian queen could carry me around in her breasts like a tamagotchi

[MastaMunsta @MunstaMasta]

Good morning

[Jb 🖤 @KyXtil]

Me af

[𓆩♡𓆪 @UUHockeyShow]

y’all on here arguing with europeans as like theyre supposed to be people or something

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@incogles @bigbaydavis Chicago doesn’t have this problem

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@hoosteen I feel like hes actually the Gen Z Weird Al, there were a ton of super popular parody guys on YouTube back 10-15 years ago that were more the “Millennial Weird Al”

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@jadorejontele 847 got motion soooo

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@NoahMF Illinoisans from the north east can say “Chicago” but nobody else

[Teehee @obama__runtz]

When your white slave steps out of line

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

Everyone who walks by my apartment presses their ear up to my door to listen for signs of life. The noises that I naturally generate are distressing so I’ve been trying to imitate the sounds of a beautiful life

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

Say what you will about Spider-Man 2 but escaping mansion as Miles into the Mr Negative battle to Peter fighting tracking down Miles to and fighting Kraven to then fight Peter as Miles then get to play as Venom is genuine peak

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@sahib14384912 Only good parts of Superman? That was a good movie

[courtnel @courtnelc]

Everything is so much funnier now that I’m finally watching the sopranos

[Pat Whalen is blocked by @libs_ofchicago et al. 🌻 @ThePatWhalen]

I would die for my country Chicago Illinois

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

Was out of the dating scene march of this year and now I’m back and man it’s even fucking worse than I left it

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@TimoTweetss Currently playing this game and I love the level design like FUCK YES I WANT TO CRAWL IN THE SEWERS CHASING THE LIZARD.

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@iashishranjann Boobies, tatas, rack, cannons, jugs, milkers

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@wandapologist4 @ihatethiskid Because Chicago is the only good part (besides starved rock)

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@Artsyrean They probably overlayed the headshot over a bunch of little shots

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

Playing spider-man 2 in the brand new day suit. Peak city

[Captain McCaptain @pinchedloaf]

@DrScuttles @handsdealts @normalsexylady Came too many times