pink proletariat

Leftist. Activist. Feminist. Spoonie. Queer. Neurodiverse. she/her.

#ActuallyAutistic #NKD #Lyme #AE

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

That's all, folks.

Take care, Twitter.

This account is no longer active except as a legacy of sorts/DMs.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

Instead of just grief and confusion, I saw life spread out before me in all directions, for miles an interminable barren field.

I realized then the depths, the secret hopes, our silent hearts may keep from us, a brief glimpse into deeper mysteries of love I could not comprehend.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

I spent most of last night, well into early morning, sleepless over a conversation.

I woke up this morning with the dulled, sick sense that you are now actually gone.

That you were never there the way I thought you were.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@edgar_a_bitch Even with sleep meds!

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@edgar_a_bitch I feel this.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

Even the hardiest plant is fragile. Why do I forget. Why are my hands clumsy and useless. What misplaced pride have I to tend a garden when I cannot even water myself.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

With the new year comes a sense of defeat, a longing to fix mistakes time will not erase, to have been a better person, more self-aware, more open, more patient. To not let the things I love slip through my fingers. To not let them wither and die.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

I sit on my knees, holding the roots from a broken planter, hands covered in dirt, and I ask myself why all I do is break things. Why do I break the things I love. Why do I break myself. Over and over I am left cradling shards of pottery.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@mosscj2 Thank you. 😢

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

The past 6 months:

I finally escaped an abusive situation,
met someone,
moved across 2 states to start a new life,
found a doctor who diagnosed my rare disease,
lost 2 pigs suddenly,
had my Poppy die,
lost someone I loved dearly,
moved back across 2 states.

i am so lost.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@NoGimmicksAP I am sorry to hear that. In my case, my TBI and NKD plus 7 years of trauma and loss have just stripped me bare.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@NoGimmicksAP Thank you.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

I suspect I will not remain on this platform for much longer, so if you desire continued contact please reach out in DMs if you already haven't. I will not be deactivating bc there is so much precious history here, but the account will probably fall into disuse.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@fatdickfern I used to do this with the fitted sheet!

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@sesmith Some of these made me weep. A whole decade...

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@NeuroRebel Honestly, unless I get hooked by NRE, I usually don't seek relationships out because I don't understand the next stage of bonding? after the NRE fades. It just doesn't compute. It's very hard on me and any potential partners bc I do attach hard.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@NeuroRebel ... and during NRE, I am hypersensitive to perceived incompatibilities and rejections. It just kills the good times, then the NRE fades, I stop masking, and am like, "Oh shit, now what?" It's an awful pattern I've repeated forever and leads to much unhappiness.

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@edgar_a_bitch Come over. lol

[pink proletariat @pinkproletariat]

@AutistTrainGuy