Karissa Ostrander

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

i’m scared to get married because i don’t trust any of my friends to put together a bachelorette party that won’t end up with us being in jail

you know who you are

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@hailey_tuel i’m just there to get drunk and make sure you look hot

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

listened to this playlist on my way to work today 😂

[s h e n n a 💛✨🦋 @shenna_brook]

was listening to Hinder, Nickelback, Buckcherry, My Darkest Days & Theory of a Deadman at 13 so maybe that’s my issue

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

me: “jess do you feel like a bad bitch with your lashes done”
@jesssssssss21: “yea i feel like i could steal someone’s dad, i mean not yours because we haven’t found him in 21 years”

ohh??

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

“i don’t know what that is i just put everything in my mouth”

[jess @jessmaejacobs]

After 21 years, I can confirm having parents who do not want to be parents does not in fact get easier.

[kass⚡️⚡️⚡️ @kwoot13]

hot girls listen to nickelback, I don’t make the rules

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

only thing my dad has ever given me is a dark sense of humor

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

when you don’t even miss him but you miss his parents 🥲

[The Nile River @_NileWhite]

Tomorrow is never promised. Live life to the fullest

[Dylldo @DSilly_]

“I miss you.”

Lol I bet you do, bitch.

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

do y’all know how much a damn funeral costs??

i’m too broke to even die god damn

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@TacianaBilek i’ll rent them so they can come back to you AND you make money

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

i’m DONE trying so hard for friends that won’t try hard back

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@jesssssssss21 @TitosVodka the only reason i drunk cried that night

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@TaylerLou @ andrew soma lmaoooo do i have time to run still

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@lizzy_jane23 can we be friends

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@jesssssssss21 it was really just an excuse to call 911 for my first time

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@hailey_tuel don’t worry they don’t buy you jewelry anyway

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

people ask me if i was good at basketball in school

i did in fact shoot at the wrong net in 5th grade.

but i did make it...

[Karissa Ostrander @pissaaa_]

@wojahn_kasey i’m a dog mom does that count