pitivie

Geek lvl 42

[Derek Devicemanager @IT_unhinged]

Security called me at 6:12 AM today.

"Patch every PHP server immediately."

I asked what happened.

"Two critical vulnerabilities. Remote code execution. No authentication required."

Cool.

How many PHP servers do we have?

According to inventory: 12

According to reality:

Nobody knows.

We found one running WordPress.

Three running old internal tools.

One under someone's desk.

Two inside vendor appliances.

A forgotten employee directory from 2016.

And a server named:

PHP-OLD-DO-NOT-TOUCH

Naturally, that one runs payroll exports.

Then we found a PHP 5.6 box.

I asked who owned it.

The documentation said:

BRIAN.

Brian left in 2019.

We called Brian.

He said:

"Oh wow, that's still running?"

Excellent.

By 8 AM, leadership joined the incident call.

CEO:

"Can hackers actually get in?"

Security:

"Potentially yes."

CEO:

"Without a password?"

Security:

"Yes."

CEO:

"Then why do WE need passwords?"

Not the lesson.

Finance asked if we could wait until the weekend to patch because downtime affects revenue.

Security explained that the alternative was letting strangers execute code on our servers.

Finance asked for a cost comparison.

At 9:17, someone suggested temporarily taking the vulnerable websites offline.

Marketing refused.

"Our campaign is live."

So for the next hour, the company officially decided maintaining a landing page for 20% off webinar registration was more important than preventing remote server takeover.

We finally patched everything we could find.

Then our scanner discovered another PHP server.

Hostname:

TEMP-PHP-2014

Uptime:

4,512 days.

Nobody knows what it does.

Nobody owns it.

Nobody can shut it down.

But every time we block network access, the warehouse stops printing shipping labels.

Security has classified it as critical infrastructure.

It is running PHP 5.4.

The vulnerability has existed longer than half our employees.

The emergency patch took four hours.

Finding out what PHP actually runs took eleven.

The internet isn't held together with code.

It's held together with servers everyone is afraid to turn off.

[Goblinz Publishing @GoblinzPub]

Autobattler x Mining x Roguelike

Steam page: https://t.co/0Wg1ZGomol

[pitivie @pitivie]

Salut @Otacos_France, je voulais commander depuis votre site, mais visiblement lui il ne veut pas (testé sur Firefox) :

[Infection PHP @infection_php]

Given SA=Static Analysis, and MT=Mutation Testing, please reply.

RT for reach!

[Scottish Rugby @Scotlandteam]

Staff's flick 🤝 Duhi's finish.

#AsOne | #GuinnessM6N

[La Curche 🇲🇨 🇫🇷 🇨🇭🇩🇪 @Curchonada]

Le son qui coupe,
Le logiciel absolument pas maîtrisé,
Des transitions qui transitionnent,
Des tenues incroyables,
Une salle totalement vide,

Pas de doute, on est bien sur un set de légende
#ZEVENT2024

[KC Roo @Akumaaroo]

Valorant ou Madame ? - @SamuelEtienne x @Kammeto
------
#metaedit #ZEVENT2024

[ZEVENT @ZEVENTFR]

ZEVENT est de retour #ZEVENT2024

[Callum Asplen @callumasplen]

wow, if you look closely you can see that the olympics is actually set in the same cinematic universe as ratatouille

[Tommy Ferris @tferris]

Microsoft Windows users right now. #crowdstrike #bsod

[nixCraft 🐧 @nixcraft]

men will literally buy used thinkpad and install arch linux instead of going to therapy

[Lewis Menelaws @LewisMenelaws]

Vim users keep talking about having no mouse.

Have they ever thought about no keyboard as well?

[Culture Crave 🍿 @CultureCrave]

Cinema is back

[nixCraft 🐧 @nixcraft]

#Linux users with their fancy hardware 😅👇