pizzapityparty

The bio is the most difficult part, ask anybody.

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Imagine naming a baby Jolene.

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*screams into the void* VALIDATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

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I don’t wipe my tears away, I lick them off my fingers.

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Daily affirmation: I absolutely do not deserve love or affection.

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Do you ever think, I wanna kill myself, but I’ve gotta get in shape first?

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*reads meaningful meme directly related to my mental illness and/or deepest personal struggle*

Me: Whatever.

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I wish my intuition would be wrong for once.

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A homicide of pigeons.

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Me: I’ll figure it out.
*proceeds not to even try to figure it out*

[pizzapityparty @pizzapityparty]

Just got my first holiday party invite and cringed so hard. Please let December never come.

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Waitress, clutching a handful of cherry pie filling: “Why is this my life?!”

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I love drama far too much for someone who absolutely loathes drama.

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“I Can’t Hit the Y Key On a Keyboard With My Right Hand for Some Reason, and Various Other Ways I Am Broken: An Anthology”

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When I take out my contacts, my internal monologue says, “Let me deprive myself of sight.”

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“And, I’ve got the Solex, too!”

Tears stream down my face.

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When I read the title of the movie Scarface my brain reads SCAREFACE, and I can say with confidence that is the only aspect of the film that I enjoy.

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I don’t enjoy Ethan Hawke.

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I’ve always held that [sic] means “spelling incorrect.”

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For me, time exists only in 5-minute increments. I understand that a task may take 3 or 7 minutes in theory, but my brain refuses to comprehend it as fact. Events also cannot occur at, say, 1:11pm—I’ve gotta make a wish then.

[pizzapityparty @pizzapityparty]

My enjoyment of Legally Blonde is both profound and painful.