Paul James Decker

Former Rebel, Disciple Maker of Jesus; Campus Minister at University at Buffalo

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Nutritionists say that eating healthy involves filling your plate with bright colors: greens, reds, yellows. So I had a bowl of M & Ms.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Most zoo dentists refuse to treat a grizzly without strong anesthesia first. Because there's safety in numb bears.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

I'm never again donating money to anyone collecting for a marathon. They just take the money and run.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Life is simpler when you're nonchalant; as soon as you start chalanting, it all goes sideways

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

It’s not the best ceiling I’ve ever seen, but it’s up there.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Going on a run is like hitting your head. It's great when you stop.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

I went for a run but came back after 2 minutes because I forgot something; I forgot I'm out of shape and can't run for more than 2 minutes.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

I'm about 3 pounds from Google Maps listing me as a roundabout.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

The secret to a clean kitchen is simple. Don't cook.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?

They’re each Parisites.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

I just read a book about the psychology of camping. It was in tents.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Someone stole my coffee cup. I’m headed to the police station to look at mugshots.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

It's weird that I trust my left hand to drive but not to eat cereal.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Students at school were asked to write about the harmful environmental effects of oil on fish. One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

Apparently, scientists can now grow human vocal cords from stem cells in the lab. The results speak for themselves.

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

A man just threw milk, yogurt and butter at me.
How dairy!

[Paul James Decker @pjdfatdad]

There's something really wrong with my cactus plant, but I just can't put my finger on it.