Jordan

there is absolutely nothing wrong with me at all

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

The worst part about getting laid is washing the pepper spray out of my eyes

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

@mollypilled Can you clean for me

[Middle Class Mr Burns @MrBurnsLovesYou]

If I had 9 lives, I’d use 8 of them to blow my head smooth clean off in front of people over the slightest inconvenience.

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Doc said my chest hair is actually just algae, and I really fucking need to shower

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

@cheekclapperXL I hope you’re proud of your penis bro, you deserve it

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Computa, what the hell is a social cue

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

My pussy so wet it has evolved gills

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Accidentally date raping people because you have a carbon monoxide leak in your apartment

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Who needs ambien when you have black mold and a carbon monoxide leak

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Smuggling poop onto a plane

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Possible Mandela effect, my bed wasn’t wet when I fell asleep

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

@sadhog12 What the fuck get out of my walls

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

I can’t kill myself, my apartment is too messy and I’d be embarrassed when they find me

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

I’d be way less depressed if knew how to do a backflip I think

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Doctors said I need more pussy in my life

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

There’s a Chrysler 300 outside Walmart that’s selling kool aid baby formula

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Whoever said ChatGPT can examine your prostate if you put your phone up your ass lied #hospitaltime

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

@ou2chh What happened

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

Calling the fire department because I got my penis stuck in the big machine at work

[Jordan @placenta_effect]

@other_st_nick The C.K. In Louis C.K’s name actually stands for Louis Charlie Kirk