Michelle V. Garrett

I'm awkward. And always thirsty.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@DruryHotels what brand/model pillows do you guys use? Are those for sale to us regular people? #dreamy

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@TravelTownGame 🎟️ cltjgxqe60vop0oxr9ake5u4a1CuW3

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@CMMS_Athletics @CMMSPTA @CMMSCougars What time does girls basketball practice start and end?

Is it Monday-Friday? (Someone had said Mon-Thurs at one point.)

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@CMMS_Athletics @CMMSPTA @CMMSCougars When are volleyball tryouts? I saw posts about soccer and cheer, but not volleyball.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@CSchannauer @CMMSCougars @CMMSPTA Is there a calendar anywhere that tells us dates for sports tryouts? My daughter is a rising seventh grader and very interested in athletics this year.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@CMMSCougars How do I find information for sports tryouts?

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@SpartanTweets since you’re super helpful, which I really appreciate, is there a supply list posted somewhere? My kid is an incoming freshmen and brand new to public school. This is where I’m at: 🤷‍♀️

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@SpartanTweets My kid’s schedule isn’t in PowerSchool yet. Tuesday was supposed to be the day? Is that an “us” problem, or are all the schedules delayed?

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@raygarrettjr keeps singing “my BODY doesn’t jiggle jiggle, it folds.” Changes the song quite a bit, actually. #JiggleJiggle

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Me: Do you think the dog knows why I’m mad at him?

Ray: Absolutely not. I’m a HUMAN male and I very rarely know why you’re mad.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Ray: If somebody says they prefer like Hellman’s or Kraft Mayo over Duke’s, I’m like, “OK. Maybe they’re a yankee or whatever.” But if they say they prefer Miracle Whip?! They’re just a bad person.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Kids: Daddy, why do we have to eat out in the freezing cold?
Ray: Because we tried eating in the car one time, and to this day, what I drive is more taco than truck.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@_AlexHirsch I gave my kid a printout of this response as a gift, and the children literally SCREAMED when they realized that YOU had taken a moment to think of V.V. by name. Hall of Fame humanity. I can’t thank you enough.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Pandemic birthdays can be such a drag. Dreamed up a Cipher Hunt for V.V. - she’s 100% obsessed with Gravity Falls. Artifacts and puzzles are hiding around a cabin and 55 acres of woods. Would you mind wishing her a happy birthday? #gravityfalls #cipherhunt

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@wikisean @_AlexHirsch Thank you for hosting and for all of your help. We love and appreciate you guys so much. Best. Birthday. Ever.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Ray: This cart is so wobbly, I’d do better to take the wheels off and just drag it around the store.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Ray: When I’m using the company card, I’m all, “let me have these appertizers, the filet, and I’ll sample a few desserts.” When I’m paying, it’s more like, “uh, yeah, just bring me a water... with 9 lemons and 3 sugar packets.”

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

@amgreetings So... how do I find out who the model is on one of your cards? Because if this is based on an actual person, I'm pretty sure I have a doppelganger. MUST MEET HER.

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

Ray: "Hey, what you lacked in correctness, you made up for in certainty."

[Michelle V. Garrett @plasticspaceman]

M: Read an article about childhood narcissism.
R: When you ARE the kid who rocks at everything, it's not narcissism. It's being observant.