Feral Mom

weird mom. reluctant adult. writer.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

#SesameStreet is so inclusive 👍 I know it helps my kid to see we're not the only ones who have anger issues and live surrounded by trash.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Also, I talk about stuff like colonoscopies & aviation disasters at parties.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

I'm not saying it's a fluke that I managed to reproduce, but I do own 3 pairs of cat-themed socks.

[Brian M. M. Doyle @WritePlay]

Enough golf. Time to terrify some kids https://t.co/884YZfxvFS

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

I know we need to work on kiddo's speech delay, but it's gonna be sad when she no longer says "doo doo bees" instead of "cereal please".

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

This Mando dude is pretty hot tho. #SesameStreet #snowday #saveme

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Can we all agree that Mr. Noodle is a fcking creep and Buddy & Jim could kick his ass any day? #sesamestreet

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Get on Pinterest to look for things I feel like eating. End up looking at pictures of Tom Hardy. Same thing, really.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

@MariamVeiszadeh and tiny tiny doll like hands

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Thank God Immigration and Family lawyers accept "symbolic gestures" and "larger statements" as a form of payment, right? #TheMorningAfter

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Trump is like that Oogy Boogy villain in Nightmare Before Xmas except he's made out of white man tears instead of bugs. #Election2016

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

I follow more bots than people because they "get" me far more than my fellow flesh sacks do. https://t.co/HGqInVXnBv

[nerd garbage pitches @NerdGarbageBot]

This will be groundbreaking: short story collection that's like if Studio Ghibli had made Mystery Science Theatre 3000.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Miss Clinton if you're #nasty. #debatenight

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

WOULD FOLLOW https://t.co/pODSNYOItj

[nerd garbage pitches @NerdGarbageBot]

Imagine a novelty twitter account version of The Catcher in the Rye made by Kanye West.

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

You don't know how many shades of pink there are until you're trying to match toddler socks. #firstworldproblems #okbutseriouslywtf

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Parenthood practice: Hire coked-up dwarf to make train sounds while trying to drop matchbox cars into toilet as you use it. #momlife

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

When you put your fingertip on the underside of a cat's paw and they close their claws around it like they're holding your hand ❤️ #catsrule

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

I know SEVEN moms who are now expecting their second kid, and I'm contemplating whether or not to get my bangs trimmed.

[Amanda @Manda_like_wine]

I saw my legacy revealed today when my kid stopped on our walk home to dig a candy wrapper out of a leaf pile "in case there was any left."

[Feral Mom @PleaseMomNo]

Also, can someone teach me how to use canned air to get bacon bits out of my keyboard? #firstworldproblems