Pocketoni

Serial Pedestrian

"Staunch Twix Centrist", Probably an Ape man

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Bro you’ve got to be kidding me

My undead army was just laid to waste by a flock of normal ass vultures

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

It really bothers me that the English call it a “tuppens”
It’s “two pence”
Twice an Abraham is also acceptable

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

I do all my grocery shopping at chuck e cheese and and nerd ropes have gone up 300 tickets this year alone

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

The best part of mowing is when you’re clearing late game and it connects back to an early game area

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Some people will invite a nosferatu onto their vessel and then blame the rats for the plague

Brother, the plague comes free with your nosferatu

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Just released a swarm of termites into my house in a desperate ploy for sympathy

Call that Munch house ant syndrome

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

At the casino with my oracle in my ear piece: tell me what you see oh wise one

My chud oracle: I see a great evil borne of thine own flesh cutting you down. Your blood shall water the fields

Me at the casino: This is not topical information oh wise one

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

If Nostradamus was alive today he could have killed it on rain bet

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

The enlightened centrist at the elderly vs cancer convention:

well you really have to look at the issue from both sides…

🤷

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

As the farmer’s halfwit sty cleaner, my GOAT being washed generally has a positive connotation

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Bro the CEO is going to give soda Facial Recognition. Fuckin 1984 bro. Play Metal gear solid 2 you’ll see what I mean.

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Oh hell yeah horse cigarettes for a bucking bronco like me. I clop and gallop once in the air before clutching my chest in a fit of wheezing. Due to the emphysema
Meanwhile the camel: yeah my second hump is a benign growth

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

She Osama on my bin till I’m Laden with child

[Mr. Goji  @Mr_goji54]

Me and the homies tonight

[donald boat @laserboat999]

My Cajun buddy risked his life to crawl across no-man’s-land and bring a reeking Grinch corpse back to our bunker. “Are you crazy?” I said. “He goin’ in the pot tonight boy,” he said

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

@KingDavid5801 I’ve been trying this and all he’ll do is gaze at me with reserved perseverance. I’m at wits end. I’m thinking I might try threatening him with explosives

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

So my Troychud friend just gave me a gift horse and just kept insisting over and over again not to look it in the mouth. Anyway the curiosity got the better of me so tell me why THERES A WHOLE DAMN GUYS IN MY HORSE

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

They say you are what you eat

That’s why there are so many shrimp

[HARVEYDENT @_HARVEY__DENT_]

When I took LSD as a teenager and broke out of my shell, I realized my life's purpose was collecting granular insights to enhance market penetration and strengthen brand equity in a crowded landscape

[Pocketoni @pocketoni]

Just saw a catholic in the wild stimming with their fidget beads🥰