General Tomfoolery

mostly dumb shit, occasionally deep

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

All these people like "if you don't get this we can't be friends"
To hell with you then, I'm quite happy with my microwave burritos

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

@RealLaTejana737 @mhdksafa this is so remarkably and obviously, based on a myriad of historical evidence, not even close to true lol

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

@ezlazar oh yeah, let’s put N’Keal back there, what’s the worst that could happen?

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

@thetoewsera @TanyaRayFox lmfao you ain’t watch that game i guess

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

@Nigrelli93 he only won 1 because he basically always had to play Tom Brady at some point lol

[cursed-dem ❁ @kallllisti]

Biden: ..by the way, I got hairy legs that turn blonde in the sun and the kids used to reach in the pool and rub my leg down and watch the hair come back up again..& I tell ya what the men, the guys I worked with down here, they were all guys at the time

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

me: *does 90% of anything in my life*

“well I’d have to rly suck to fail at this point”

brain:

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

@TheShockacon it’s a bitch

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

when she takes a single piece of your food

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

when you ask for dipping sauce but they don’t give you no dipping sauce

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

”swear I didn’t eat your cookies”

mom:

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

when the chat bot on Tinder invites you to a hotel after a long convo

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

When you send your monthly payment to PornHub but still get ads

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

her: I wish somone would treat me like the princess I am and not fuck with my feelings

me: you spelled “someone” wrong

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

Officiant: they have decided to write their own vows

Groom: I guess I could be stand being stuck with you for the rest of my life

Bride: same

*they high-five and the bridal party collectively bursts into tears*

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

the old hobo looking guy at church has more friends than me

I know this because he texts with a flip phone and always has his sound on very high

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

Interviewer: how long do you see yourself at this job?

John: honestly this is more of a temp thing for me, probably not more than a couple years

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

when you wake up at 6am only to realize there’s no one awake to make you breakfast

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

perhaps but if I then only retweet this one tweet I still seem pretty sexist https://t.co/P03e7roVVv

[General Tomfoolery @ponchobandit]

kind of person 1: I have nothing to wear
means: I was robbed last night and have no clothing anymore

kind of person 2: I have nothing to wear
means: this shirt doesn’t go with these pants don’t go with these shoes don’t go with the decorations that will be there