Nicole

imperfectly ridiculous.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Just entered to win a signed guitar by Chris Carrabba of Dashboard Confessional! Enter here: https://t.co/kpB0Z88E8I

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

@obj @CashApp $poppymcfly #OBJBTC

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

**loud thud generated from living room**

Me: what is going on in there?

7: he licked my blanket and now I get revenge
#babyfightclub

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Husband: goodnight my sleeping children

7: were you about to say goodnight my sleeping children?

https://t.co/C8SD3RnX67

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

When your kids are thirsting hard for #Fortnite

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Hypothetically if you had a 7 year old that called his classmate a bitch, how would YOU punish him? #AskingForAFriend 👀

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

I used to be fun. Now I’m in a relationship. #adulting

[Women's Humor @womenshumor]

I'm 100% done with today and about 40% done with tomorrow.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

How much I hate cats:
Dating profile: ✅has kids-- aw, cute. ✅has cats-- NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE. 🙅🏻🙅🏻

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

When the church w/3 pokestops & a gym gets tired of #PokemonGO #pokemoncantgo #pokemongoelsewhere #cantstopwontstop

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

@bobbybones Exactly the issue;not one of your tweets the last 2 days mentioned the previous murders. Everyone deserves the same attention.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Shout out to the self-conscious ladies who spray perfume while they poop. IDGAF about my smell but I appreciate ya. #officeconfessions

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

I almost feel bad for men named William Peters but then I think how funny it is that their whole name is just a couple of dicks.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

"This basically has everything but a personal ass-wiper."
--things heard at the car dealership

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

I wonder if my coworkers know I secretly hate most of them but then I remember I'm sitting alone on my lunch tweeting. #officeconfessions

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

My son when I ask him to clean his toys:
'Not again!'

Funny how I have the completely opposite reaction when my period comes every month.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Me to my 3-year-old: Stop scratching your head with your sucker in your hand.
*scratches back with sucker in his hand*

[Women's Humor @womenshumor]

I don't think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

Sometimes I feel bad about farting on my dog but most of the time I don't.

[Nicole @poppymcfly]

When your coworkers have never heard of Iron Maiden but they own one of their tshirts.. #officeconfessions