Greg “Cracker” Porter

28, IPA enjoyer, born zynner #chillguys, everything DC, 16.9 handicap, roll Spartans, #HTTR #ALLCAPS

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

Millions of dollars plus fame but doesn’t know how to cradle the head of her baby. These #independent #foids need to go to home ec class

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

My buddy’s favorite sports team lineup:
-New Orleans Saints
-Washington Wizards (home city)
-Carolina Hurricanes
-Atlanta Braves
-Coastal Carolina Chanticleers

Anyone got a more cursed lineup than this?

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

Infinite wipe glitch only happens at work

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@rickyleewhitejr Hattricks girls > #🪵

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

If you’re driving in the express lanes and slow down because of traffic ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE FUCKIN POLES you’re retarded

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@NCAAMLaxBets He went to Adelphi of course he’s the biggest moron in the world

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

First time being up in DC in a while and the entire wait staff at this bar in Reagan international is Somali and has fucked up my entire tab. #Shrink that country

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@22classy Im late to this but you gotta dodge the zone. The only way to beat a zone is play your regular offense. Treating it like EMO is the dumbest thing you can do

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@jakemalasek Pleasure having you at the tailgate yesterday. Roll Spartans

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@hazardpounder Every airport bartender is just going to assume you used that ID to get thru TSA they aren’t even gonna look twice

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

New weather app just dropped

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

My top 5 bars (FL resident, DMV native, no particular order):
-Elbo room: Fort Lauderdale, FL
-The Bull Pen: Washington, DC
-Sluggers: Wrigleyville, Chicago
-Clarendon Ballroom: Arlington, VA
-The Starboard: Dewey Beach, DE

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@danarestia The Tampa tailgate on Sunday

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

Not so hot take, announcers talking about how bad a field is while there’s not a cloud in the sky is soft as shit. BAMFEE #NCAALax

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@mnestler40 Bye bye Lars!

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@upstreamlax Guys have no grit nowadays. What happened to underwater basket weaving majors? #gamesgone

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@wardamnbilly Before you go Hollywood on us can I get an HTTR?

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

I understand the guys who like one team outside of their city (don’t agree with it) but seriously why the fuck are the Steelers tatted on your calf with Chicago teams

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@LindellWiggJD Thot daughter for 3… won’t go. Back out to gay son… his 3 pointer… BANG!

[Greg “Cracker” Porter @porter_gregory_]

@cashgrabber9000 Yeah but you don’t really walk up to it with the intention of chatting with people. It just kinda happens