Porter

I wonder if drunk me would get along with sober me.🍻

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

a lot of people hate their employer.

and me.

well i'm one of them 🚪

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

Macbeth said he wanted more space.

So I locked him outside.

[LadyMacDuff @mothermacduff]

"Hell is not a place. Hell is people."
*Cough* @MacDaddyB4 *cough*

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@RighteousMac You’d best have a platform that’s pro-education... the only job I’m qualified for is “living doorstop” or “serfdom” 😅😒

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

if i didn't open doors for a living i'd probably be a health inspector 🥂

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@MacDaddyB4 @death_2_Macbeth So I guess *you* will get to hold the door to hell for *me* from now on? #rolereversal #whatatwist

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

everyone should treat themselves to drink when something's been accomplished which is why i'm always drunk 🍺🍺👍

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@chrchovseyton i'd work for a dead guy too if he could pay me

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

Club goin up on a Tuesday 🍺🍸✌🏻

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

irrelevancy is the key to safety #aliveandwell

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

i can drink more when i have less people to open doors for #everyoneisdead #gladtobealive

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@RighteousMac @MacDaddyB4 But can they drink enough to think the doors they guard lead to hell? 🤔🤗😈

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@nuttywitche5 LOOK OUT THEY’RE COMING FOR YOU https://t.co/hMt5ft6FRR

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

A TOTAL WITCH HUNT!!!

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@MacDaddyB4 @chrchovseyton I just work the doors round here and empty the wine cellar... I’m sure you’ll be fine though 😁

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@MacDaddyB4 hey boss look I know you’re busy with the whole war thing going on but you’ve got ya boy @chrchovseyton to take care of you, so can I get some vacation time? I found somewhere I wanna visit ☺️

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

i wish i spilled tea the way i spill beer

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

i would call out all the crazy people i've opened doors for but i'm far too drunk to find that damn at symbol #neversober

[LadyMacDuff @mothermacduff]

We need a new king who isn't a murderer!

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@realDonaldTrump You sound like my boss 😁

[Porter @porterpilsner_]

@RighteousMac @MacDaddyB4 @chrchovseyton First of all, rude. But I guess I left the door open for that one... look, the TREES are attacking us now. #Imout #trees #funisdone besides it’s not like @chrchovseyton didn’t totally steal my job