potmeetkettle

a page to drop the shit that pops up in my head

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Tree Men Games - Privacy Policy https://t.co/m4GMSnsYm7

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

The season finale of #GameofThrones was like an unenthusiastic handjob, you still feel a little rewarded at the end but it’s hard to believe that the whole process couldn’t have been more enjoyable.

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Her: why do you smell like dirty diapers?
Me: I WISH you would mind your own business
Her: THE DIAPER GENIE DOES NOT GRANT WISHES!
Me:
Her:
Me: You win this round....

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

As a parent, sometimes I wonder if Moses’s mom put him in a basket in the river to save him, or because he asked her to cut him up a banana that he then wouldn’t eat 3 times in one day

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

#GameofThrones

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

#GameofThrones

The show where the only thing you will be luckier to leave with than your life, is your virginity

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Lannister’s: brother and sister banging accepted
Targaryen’s: Aunt banging nephew accepted
Stark’s: Arya is of age and somehow it’s not okay...#GameofThronesSeason8

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

It’s hard to find good help in the winter #GameofThrones

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Maisie Williams (Arya Stark) showing HBO she’s old enough for a sex scene

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Son: *spoils Game of Thrones*
Me:
Step Son:
Me:
Ex Son

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Every fight we have:

Her: *says anything*
Me: *pretends to get phone call*
Congrats babe, double standard magazine just called and they want you for the front cover

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Her: *eats the one piece of Easter candy I like*
Me: is it cold up there?
Her: what?
Me: you know, on the top of asshole mountain?

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

The best part about being a parent is when your kids are asleep and you pretend you don’t have them

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Her: can you please go get me chocolate and popcorn?
Me: *gets up and walks to kitchen*
Her: *calls me after stepping into kitchen* never mind
Me: *understands Chris Brown for the first time in my life*

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Me: *waking her up with morning wood on Easter* HE HAS RISEN!
Her: Jesus Christ....
Me: him too....

[potmeetkettle @potmeetkettle2]

Definition of a good marriage:

Her: *storms off angry* I’m getting a donut
Her: *30 minutes later* *still brings me an angry donut*