ur hot mom

I am ease, I am dazzle, I am crying like a silly fool.

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

I don’t know why I thought it would be like a lemon but, ginger is NOT nice to chew on after taking a shot.
DONT do that.

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Forgetting my mission at Whole Foods because a woman’s hair was so long and shiny

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Piss! At The Subway

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Why does my real adult human life feels like a child mis-managing a tamogachi

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Why did I say that

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Shirt on in the shower bc I’m just washing my ass.

[krill @anthraxp1mp]

I want wooden teeth and a fat ass

[horse dentist @equine__dentist]

replacing “chat” with “pack” from now on

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

I think I’m masking so well with my Uggs and free people sweater but then I perch like gollum in the office chair and make intense unblinking eye contact with everyone all day long

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@greenandgross Hey I was so hungover the next day I couldn’t leave my bed!!!!

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@adamsanderstan Hey man, love this post because me too

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@adamsanderstan True

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Today I watched a frog use its cloaca at the local pond! Go cloaca!!

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Everyone’s on 0mg of spatial awareness and 400mg of stench today, damn.

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

Told myself a joke and laughed because I’m hilarious but the other people on the sidewalk weren’t so convinced.

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

My self worth is entirely based on how many people fall in love at events I host

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@sabrinamlevy Every. Time!

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

There are no rules in grammar, I’m punctuating with my heart.

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@adamsanderstan 🐴 hey (hay)

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@adamsanderstan Thinking ab my ancestors, hbu

[ur hot mom @potttedpothos]

@adamsanderstan Hey 🐴